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My family doesn't believe it happened.

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by jameslyons, Feb 22, 2009.

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  1. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    My family doesn't believe I was molested. They think I made it up. My father regularly asks me how my head is. What a joke.

    I was going to off myself tomorrow, but then I read something that stopped me. It was something along the lines of "After you die the pain doesn't end. It gets transferred onto your family and friends. "

    God damn I wish I had a heart attack right now. :blub:

    I just wanted to say that everyone here has been a great help in my struggles.


    Oh well, time to put the mask back on .

  2. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry your family is treating you like that. It must hurt a lot!!

    I have no words of wisdom, I just really feel for you. It is common for families to react like yours is reacting, they don't want to face it, so it is easier to make you "crazy" than deal with the truth. My family often went into the same kind of denial for a long long time. Just remember that you have used your voice to speak the truth, you will not be silent anymore no matter what they say! Take care and hang in there.
  3. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    ...thanks... :blub:
  4. susiq

    susiq Member


    Sorry for your pain my friend. Please know that there are people who believe you and care about you hun.

    You are not alone.


  5. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    my mom doesn't believe me either.

    she thinks that i "dreamed" it. she judges me because i didn't tell her when it was happening. i tell her that it's normal for kids not to tell when it's happening. she doesn't get it. she tells me that if i tell anyone in the family, they will reject me, not believe me, not talk to me. (it was my brother who did it, although, i prefer to call him "my mother's oldest son" so that i don't have to refer to him as my "brother")

    i live far away from them, but it still lives in my head, taking up space.

    the saddest thing is that i have 9 beautiful neices and nephews that i adore with all my heart. but whenever i visit, i always lose it. and it breaks my heart beyond belief that when I go to see them, i have to re-live the trauma.

    am i better off to kill myself before they get too attached? but i don't know if i can bear the thought that they will grow up knowing that their auntie killed herself.
  6. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    What the hell is wrong with people! It makes me so mad that some people can live in denial and not believe people. I mean, who the hell would make such a nightmare up! AAARRGGHHH! It just makes me want to scream!

    I am sorry your families are causing you so much pain and heartache, it is not fair at all.

    I believe you. And more importantly, you know the truth!
  7. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    It's hard to believe. But sometimes it's just easier for them to be absolute monsters about it.
  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    How horrible :(
  9. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    Thats terrible but relatively common. I think its merely denial: most parents would never want to imagine their child being violated like that, so they'd rather convince themselves it never happened.

    Its tought but if you really need to you can just keep pushing it. If they love you and its true surely they'll believe you at some point.
  10. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    I'm twenty-five. So, I luckily don't have to deal with them as much as I used to.. the damage has already been done.
  11. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    Well I admire your bravery in moving on. You're handling it better than most. I'm sorry for what you went through, I can imagine it wasn't easy.
  12. crookxshanks

    crookxshanks Well-Known Member

    i really admire your bravery for telling your family. when i told mine they also didnt believe me. same with quite a few of my friends. i do also think it might be because they just dont want to believe that something so awful could happen to their own child. i know it sounds horrible to say but i think that if they dont believe it then it doesnt exist and that can be the most painful thing

    thinking of you :hug:
  13. LastCrusade

    LastCrusade Well-Known Member

    wehn your brother molested you, what did you do? Did you hit him back? If anyone were to lay their hands on me, I would definitely have done something back to them. If you allow it to happen and let your brother get away with it, it will happen again. Better teach him a lesson.
  14. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    not everyone can hit back. people freeze and get scared. then feel shit because they didn;t fight back...
  15. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Thanks, but I'm not really moving on. Just not talking to my family about it as much, :laugh: . It's destroyed my life and is one of the underlying roots to my multiple suicide attempts. It'll kill me one day.
  16. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member


    A truer statement has never been said. But maybe it's best for them - they didn't abuse me, so I can take some comfort in them never having to know the depth of suffering I go through. It's alienating, but best for them. Besides we have each other. Families be damned!
  17. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Clearly you have no experience with being abused :laugh:! You've confused the posts, it was another member who was hurt by their brother. I was abused by a Boy Scout person/father of some other kid. At the time I was six and I really didn't have the gumption to beat off my abuser. That's a ridiculously ignorant statement to make, no offense. How often do you see little kids fighting off adults or even bullies for goodness sake!

    Would of , Should of, Could of, as my grandmother liked to say. If you were abused as a kid you would behave differently than if you weren't. It's a nice thought -these hypothetical scenarios but they don't apply to life. Hence, the hypothetical nature.

    In addition, claiming somebody who was abused as a child is irresponsible for not getting back at the abuser is sophomoric. How old are you, I don't want to be mean it's just a silly comment. You do however, bring up a point about identifying the abuser. That's something I haven't been able to confront.

    I'm not going to speak for anybody else's experiences but it's a very difficult thing to confront abuse to yourself, confronting the abuser is much more difficult and the legal process is intimidating as hell. Family abuse is particularly devastating and anybody who hasn't gone through that torture should keep their mouths shut regarding what survivors do.

    I'm really not trying to pick on you, but the concept of "manning up" doesn't work. I've survived with over 16 years of chronic major depressive episodes, countless suicide attempts, and a constant battle against immense suffering. People who suffer through traumas are some of the strongest willed people you'll ever meet. We are constantly assailed and only on occasion give in. I've never met stronger people than those who've reached 50 with a lifetime of abuse and depression.
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2009
  18. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Nice reply James. Couldn't have said it better myself.
  19. Zurkhardo

    Zurkhardo Well-Known Member

    I can only speculate what it might be like to endure what you have been through and what you still struggle with. Perhaps I'm being optimistic, but I feel that by virture of you still being here, talking of it so relatively openly, I believe to some degree you've truly perservered.

    Many others I know I either scarred beyond discouse and social interaction or dead. I think you'll make it man.
  20. Jaybee

    Jaybee Member

    I know how that feels. Out of all my friends and family, I only have one person that believes me.
    My family jokes about it, too. Weird...
    Anywho, at least you're out of their house?
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