My family!

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by White Dove, Jul 1, 2007.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    My dang family does not care if i am alive or dead. all they care about is what i got. i cant take this anymore. it is just too much and no one gives a shit anyway!

    i called my brother to apologize for not watching his kids so he could go get drunk. it was really not my fault because i did not have any gas in my car but yet i need him so i called like a stupid idiot i am and apolagize for something that i did not even have to apologize for and we get into it.

    so i break down and tell him i am going to kill myself and he simply said go ahead. he actually told me to go ahead and do it and he did make it a point for me to leave him my property.....

    god i hate my life.... i need him right now cause i am hurting but god no.., he wants me to gon ahead and do it and give him my property well i tell you what. my property goes to a church not to him. it all goes to a church. he will not get one dime of it. i have had it i am sorry but i have had it. this did it. it finally pushed me...

    god i have no one who cares what happens to me. i am just useless piece of crape. i should have never been born. why was i born??? why couldnt people just leave well alone and let me die the last time??? God i hate myself. i hate this life... i have no family , no friends , nobody what the hell am i still hanging around fort...

    i am going to hold out for just one more week then thats it..

    he wants things well he will not get anything...

    arrggg.....
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 1, 2007
  2. Hazel

    Hazel SF & Antiquitie's Friend Staff Alumni

    Your brother sounds like a heartless man, is he the only family you have?
    You are not alone, you have us and I hope you are finding some solace from the people here.
    Keep talking to us, let us support you.

    Take care Hazel xx
     
  3. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    Hang in there people say unkind words sometimes and often live to regret it he would have to live with the guilt of saying that to you if you were not here and it would be to late to say sorry keep fighting
     
  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    White dove, i doubt if he really meant it. he probably did not think you were serious and were just using that to make him feel guilty about what he said. Don't take it to heart. He does not sound like he is a very understanding person anyway. You do have people that care about you. Please take care and stay safe. :hug:
     
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i have 2 brothers.

    he 9 chris ) is the youngest one. he is the one i quit school when my mom died to take care of him and help him get through school. feed him, etc.

    i have an older brother that lives in florida that has heart problems and has had several heart attacks and he also does not care at all about me. i have no one close. and it hurts but soon i will be taken away from all this.

    well i did sort of make up with him this morning ( sort of ) his kids - my neices and nephew - are now homeless again. they got threw out because the house they were renting was sold. and me being the kind of person i am that can not stand to see anyone cry especially a child i let them move back in with me again. I did it for his kids and not for him. He also thinks he will not have a job when he returns because he left work earlier friday. but it doesnt matter. i am dying anyhow so i will make the best of it i can. It will be hard on me again especially if he did lose his job. i can not afford to keep him and his kids up but i will give his kids something to eat and do without myself for the sake of the kids.

    Hazal , i thank you very much for allowing me to put my anger and frustration out there and my problems. it does help me to get things off my chest and i have always been better at writting then at talking anyhow. it seems i can communicate by putting it on paper better then talking it in person.

    And a big thank you for putting up with me. Even if it is for a little while.
     
  6. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i doubt if he would ever say hes sorry. either way i will be gone in a little while anyhow. thanks for the reply.
     
  7. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    This is a wonderful opportunity to build a real relationship with some of your family! Make the best of it!
     
  8. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member


    thank you for your reply gentlelady. i doubt if he ever would understand anything. and i was so upset last night that i doubted about everything
     
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    it might be. i did go to church this evening because two of my nieces wanted to go so i went. although i did not take the lords supper and the minister asked me at the end of services why didnt i take the lords supper. i just never told him. but the fact is what point would it be to anyhow? i am dying soon so why take it?
     
  10. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I think this is a sign from God that no matter what you are going through, you are by no means done here. Your family is with you...I believe that God brought them to you. While you are helping them, they will in turn be there for you and the love will grow. I'm glad you went to church today! And I believe that the Lord's Supper is a spiritual blessing, and can fortify our bodies and our souls, so by all means, next time you are there, take it! I think God is giving you some hope for the first time in a long while and I think you should seize it :)
     
  11. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    i hope things work out for you white Dove. it would be nice to be able to renew your relationship with some family at least.
     
  12. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    maybe you are right about that. but its not going to change the fact that i am dying of cancer soon. where would that leave my nieces? they would fall in love with me then have to watch me die like i did with my mom. i dont think i can do that. i dont think i can put them through that. it would be better for me to just be gone then they would not have to watch me die...

    I was drunk the last sunday i was at church in the morning and did not feel like i should of taken the lords supper today. maybe i should have. i just do not know. the pain is really getting to me tonight that i am just so confussed right now...

    Maybe you are right? maybe God did allow them to somehow have to move back in. they live in the bigger trailer next door to me but who knows maybe God is trying to tell me something. maybe not. But for now i am still planning on this sunday and unless something happens to change my mind then this sunday is the day i end this pain for good. thanks for the reply.

    also thanks for your reply gentlelady!
     
  13. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    First off..I read about your ovaries and gall bladder and kidney...have them removed ASAP! The less Cancer in your body the better! God helps those who help themselves...from what I've heard of the liver, it has amazing regenerative properties...it can heal itself! Do what is medically possible and leave the rest to God.

    God has given you the opportunity to reconnect with your family and you should take it.

    Regardless of whether or not they will be hurt by your death, they are lucky to know you for as LONG as possible. Give them that chance and give the docs a chance to help you.

    Miracles happen each and every day.
     
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