My father died

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Swedish Guy, Jul 21, 2007.

  1. Swedish Guy

    Swedish Guy New Member

    My father has been sick for as long as my memory goes.He always said he would try to live to see my 18th birthday,well i turned 18 this february and now,a couple of days ago,he died.I can accept that hes gone and he suffered so horribly these last few years i cant mourn the fact that hes dead.But i cant help that i miss him.This still wouldnt be so bad,But i havent had a single friend in 3 years.I dont know anybody,nobody knows me i dont know anyone.I dropped out of school,I have no job.What the fuck do i have?This is just a happy combination of bad things and its just too much for me..I think im loosing it.I am on anti psychotics,Risperidone they are called,But they arent helping now.See for a while ive been thinking of Killing a guy from my old school who bullied me.For no reason but i was too weak and skinny to do anything.Now ive gained 60lbs and a lot of Courage,and hate.I seriously think i might kill him then kill myself wich i have been thinking about the past 5 years.

    Sorry if this is hard to read..English isnt my first language and im pretty emotional right now..
  2. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Dear Swedish Guy,I'm deeply sorry about the loss of your father please try to take thing's easy I can talk with you anytime but it's also important to see someone about the way you're feeling.
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry :( My Dad died when I was 16, and I thought I was going to lose it. Trust me when I say that the pain gets better. Now when I think of him I actually smile instead of crying. I was lucky to have known him at all I think :) Try not to let yourself get bogged down in this revenge fantasy of yours. The bully from school probably actually feels really bad about being such a jerk back then. He has probably grown up and out of his bullying ways, so try to find a way to forgive him because it's just eating you up and ruining the quality of your life. Can you start college or find a job for yourself? That will help you to make some friends so you won't be so lonely. Take care of yourself and try to let go of your anger and hate. The pain will get better after awhile.