My father may kill himself shortly

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Prinnctopher's Belt, Jan 30, 2010.

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  1. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    He's 79 years old, and the past few years have probably been some of the worst of his entire life. He has come under a spell of bad luck, my mother says.

    He had a long and successful career in the federal government for more than 30 years before he retired in the late 80's. In the early 90's, right after retirement, he got his Real Estate license and got into the business, has been in it ever since. He was able to live comfortably for a long time while I was growing up, and helped us out financially when we needed help. He helped to finance my bullshit college education for the time that he could, but midway through, he couldn't afford it. He was sued for $60,000 for a bad job one of the laborers he hired did on a house that a couple bought and it became damaged.

    And then the Depression hit. Some people call it a recession, but I reckon that depends on how hard hit your own circumstances are. When the Depression hit, he lost a lot of business. His tenants in several properties he owned weren't paying their rent. Being the nice guy that he is, he let them stay for some amount of time, even though they couldn't pay and he desperately needed the money (just gives you the story from the landlord's perspective when people bitch about having to pay their rent...the landlord has a family to support, too, and when you're unable to pay and don't get evicted, who do you think is covering for you?). He had problems selling homes, because houses weren't selling anymore. He had to be able to put in quadruple the amount he usually would've had to in order to sell a house, and with the lawsuit and my college, he wasn't able to do that.

    He made a lot of bad decisions which led to this downfall. Throughout his secure career with the federal government, he never saved up a penny for his daughter to be able to go to college. He never looked into the future. He never did things that were safe, such as being careful about the people he hire to do work on homes that he was going to sell, to prevent a lawsuit like this; instead, he hired people he knew for a long time, but also knew that they had drug problems, weren't reliable, etc. This was him again trying to do the right thing to help others, and having it blow up in his face.

    He signed a college loan for me without my knowledge, though with good intent, and used my name as a co-borrower, without my knowledge (fraud). He was so desperate to make the appearance that he was able to help get me through college, that he went behind my back and put his neck out there, to get a private loan that had ridiculous conditions and interest. He wasn't able to make payments on this loan, and went into default. He didn't contact the company to let them know that he wasn't able to make payments, or to request a forbearance or deferment, so the loan went into default, with my name as the co-borrower, so I also go down for this mistake that he made, though in good intent.

    Now, we're both being served court documents to appear regarding the default with the private loan bank, which we're indebted by $35,000. I had no idea about this loan until just last year when it was too late to be handled, and when I was virtually unemployed and not able to pay for anything.

    Last night, before this minor snowstorm, his car was stolen. He had lots of papers and documents and other personal belongings in the car that he's had for 15 years. He's been forced to work a full-time job as a security guard (he's 79 years old) at a hangout for Prince Hall Masons. He's been working there for about a year now trying to make ends meet. He says that he left his keys sitting on the desk, and some boys picked them up, and took his car. Sounds strange to me, but that's what he says happened.

    It's not likely the car will be found, and he says his insurance company gave him a rental car, but that's about it. Several months ago, he was having problems paying his mortgage, and was in trouble of losing his home. I don't know what ever happened with that situation. I guess he resolved it...

    It just seems as if bad things keep happening to him all at once, and for some reason, I know that it's all the fault of my existence. He could have retired happily and comfortably and not had to have gone into something else if I weren't around. But in a way, I also think it's his, and my mom's, fault for adopting a child they weren't able to economically -- and in my mother's case economically nor emotionally nor psychologically -- able to raise and support for at least 18 years.

    So he's not being able to handle everything. He tells me sometimes that he's feeling so tired and down and depressed. The man's worked his entire life, has tried to do right by others, helped others, being an overall good and friendly person. He knows so many people and helps out when he can if ever asked for help. He's done so much to help my mother and I when we needed it. I just can't think of why he deserves all the bad spells he's getting. He made a lot of bad decisions, but a lot of people make bad decisions and never have such shit happen to them all in one bound.

    I always think about him and think that one of these days, he'll just kill himself because he's tired of trying to do damage control and having everything at him all at once. Life would be so much better if I were living a content, satisfying, middle-class life that many people my age are doing, but instead, I'm nobody, doing everything that amounts to nothing, and no one is proud of me, since my parents still struggle and I'm not really able to help the way I'd like.

    I just keep waiting for the day to come and wondering if it's now, or tomorrow, or the day after that, or the next hour, the next minute... it just feels like he has no way out of his problems and I'm afraid he'll choose what's seemingly the only way out. Either that, or I may as well kill myself or be killed.

    I know no one here gives a fuck about me or this post, but I just want it to go on the record.
  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I do care. Don't worry about the suit, they cannot "squeeze blood out of a turnip," as the old saying goes. Don't feel one bit guilty and neither should your dad.

    The "banksters" brought us all down and they still got and are still getting yearly bonuses in the millions of dollars.

    We all made decisions according to what was happening in the world at the time. That is why so many of us are in the same boat. We all followed this path with the commercial fat cats spoon fed us lies while they economically raped us.

    Tell your dad it is okay. Tell him to let the past go and live for today and get the best joy with his loved ones as he can.

    After working hard all of his life, he deserves it.
  3. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Hey, thanks for posting. What would I do in your circumstance? I'd try asking him about what his plans are and how he's going to get out of the mess; throw a few logical words of encouragement in, tell him I'm there. Frequent calls, updates, play a part financially, get into his face. Just not to make him feel like he's alone in it because that's what makes one more susceptible. It really is not your fault, playing as big a part as you can is the least you can do.
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I think talking to your father being open with him about your fears get him to talk to you about his will help him. If you are concerned call his doctor let him know your concerns okay or call crisis line just to talk for your peace of mind.
    Be with him thats all you can do and support him.
  5. molotov

    molotov Well-Known Member

    First of all, the following things cannot possibly be your fault:

    1) That the US economy sucks so much and that real estate people are having an especially shitty time of it.
    2) That your father didn't save money over the years, that he used your name on an extremely shady loan without your knowledge, that he got sued, that he had problems when he employed people he knew were unreliable, that he left his keys sitting on the desk and his car got stolen.
    3) That bad things happen to good people and that the world has a lot of assholes in it who would do bad things to good people.

    It sounds like he really needs someone to fight in his corner.. do you guys have a lawyer, a financial counselor, any sort of bureaucracy-dealer-wither type person that can help you figure this stuff out? Has the insurance said anything about what else could possibly be done about the car? (What the hell is the point of having car insurance if it doesn't pay out, I find myself asking myself? But I've never owned a car so I dunno how that shit works.) If the mortgage is still an issue, has he looked into this new Obama program where people have their mortgages recalculated? Is it even legal to use someone's name on a loan without their knowledge, and if not, can you sue the hell out of the people who agreed to that? Can he (personally, or his business) file for bankruptcy, would that help?
  6. bluegrey

    bluegrey Antiquities Friend

    There are so many financial problems you and your father are facing, the stress must be incredible. Can your father legally attest that you were brought into a debt without your knowledge and at least take that pressure off of you.

    Though your father is such a hard worker is it possible for him to to scale back enough in his lifestyle to be able to live off of Social Security, his government pension and what ever income producing investments that may remain before all of this stress kills or disables him? Is he realistic about his his age, the enormity of his debts and the financial harm you've now been put in so he could approach it all after filing for bankruptcy?

    If my suggestions are laughably off the mark I sincerely apologize. I'm sure you are infinitely more knowledgeable about financial matters than I and have been looking at all possible solutions in agonizing detail. Molotov's financial solutions seemed fairly conclusive.

    The most important detail in all of this is yours and your family's mental health. Have you gotten together with your parents and asked your father directly if he is considering a suicide attempt? Can you ask your father to see a psychiatrist with you present to have him contract for safety? I hope you are seeing a therapist or psychiatrist and have made a contract for safety with him/her. Have you gotten close enough with one of SF's members to PM them if you really know you are at risk despite a contract for safety which is only as effective as your willingness to cooperate?

    I hope your problems start to take a better turn soon. I hope you can trust that SF members care about you, your health and would not want to hear of harm coming to you. I am not one to comfortably and casually PM people here but please PM me if you are thinking about harming yourself. Hey, remember, we share a birthday? :thumbup:
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