My father has either had an Aneurysm or his Melanoma is spreading, but he has bleeding in his brain. He's being operated on tomorrow morning. I know the inherent risk for surgeries and especially for brain surgery. I just feel so helpless, like there's something I should be able to do, but I just can't. I have to sit back and pretend like there's NOT a chance I won't get to talk to my dad after he goes into the operation room. I can't imagine living without him; it's inconceivable. I'm afraid for him...and for me. If my dad dies, there's a good chance I will kill myself shortly after. I think I'm going to pray tonight. I'm an atheist and I'm going to pray. If nothing else, it could do no harm. Maybe some god somewhere will help me for once.