On July 5th, 2008, my father took his own life. I didn't know him well, but I was beginning my life again when I started living with him. I believe he took his own life because my mother refused to get back together with him as he was an abusive husband (both physically and mentally). Though not confirmed by my mother, I do hear from a few people but her that he wasn't my real father. I learned my mother was raped 18 years ago. That same incident conceived me. I was born from something like that. Wether my father knew or not, I do not know, but he always treated my like a son as much as he could. Through my own years suicide has taunted me over and over again and I've succumbed and made attempts at my own life twice. Without my father I've grown increasingly empty and alone. He was my last and only person who accepted me. Even more and more... I feel so lost and broken. My brother has grown so very distant from everyone and I worry about him as well. My mother is also emotionally distant and thus leaving me to deal with this alone. I feel so alone and I can't keep going at this pace and I have no where and nobody to turn to anymore. Every day I learn some new terrible thing prompting me to believe life is just cruel and tragically ironic in each and every way possible to me. I always thought the first person I'd have to deal with death with would be older... a grandpa or grandma... not my father, and to suicide no less... I have no tools for dealing with this kind of loss. My heart is aching and it can't go very far in comforting my brother or my mother either. I need some help or advice or anything.