My father

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by LenaLunacy, Sep 30, 2008.

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  1. LenaLunacy

    LenaLunacy Well-Known Member

    So last night me and my mom had an interesting conversation. In context, about 3 years ago i found out my dad, who i have never actually met, was in jail for a bit of time for doing fraud. I only found this out because my aunt accidentally let it slip one holiday after dinner.
    Anyway, so that was fine..i mean my dad has a criminal record...ok..but it's not a major crime as such ya know?

    Well here's how the convo went last night;
    Me: Did you know there's a big category A maximum security prison on horfield road?!
    Mum: Yea, i've visited it a few times.
    Me: :blink: Why? (Thought she might have been a criminal at this point! Lol.)
    Mum: Visiting someone.
    Me: Who.
    Me: Mom, who?
    Mom: It's quite weird when you go in tho..
    And so she totally avoided my question. Now there have only been two other men in my life and that was Andy, a theatre way he would have been in prison for anything, and Ian, a Hells Angel, and i can remember him well and am sure he wouldn't have been in jail.

    With what i've heard about my dad in the past, my mom really dislikes talking about him and is desperate for me not to meet him, its put questions in my head...was my dad a murderer/sex offender/robber...i think i have a right to know, but mom just won't answer, she shuts off. I dont know how else i would find out...sorry this has turned into quite a long thread...i just needed to get it all out cos it's eating me up :( *sighs*
  2. Oak

    Oak Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    HI cerise-wrists. Your wanting to know is normal and understandable yet your mother is yoru mother and a mother's job by instinct means protect at all costs the peace and safety of her children. Your mother to keep and preserve her own peace and yours, has chosen that the least you know the better it is. If she has made this decision she must have strong reasons to do so and i would suggest to leave it at that and go about your life. The family seems to know and agree with your mother's keeping silence so that should remind you that if all leads on a decision, is that this decision is best for the interests of a loved one. When your mother will feel you strong enough not to be afffected by your father's issue, she will open up. Do not go into pushing her to talk or your relationship with her will be compremised.

    I don't meant to say that your father has done some horrible crime, it can be the shame of what he has done or of her own realtionship to him. She must have suffered and do not wish to share with you this part of her life. Respect her decision, it is best for both of you and be patient. One day all will come out and you will understand both her decision to keep silent and your father's issue.

    I know you will not agree with me but i am a parent and we have similar isssue in the family and by pushing to the extreme, relation has not only been compremised but destroyed to a great degree. Do not let that happen if you love your mother. Respect her choice of silence as she knows best.

    sending you lots of loving thoughts
    granny xox
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 1, 2008
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