today i snapped pretty bad. i basically started screaming at my father at the home depot saying i will kill myself and that he makes me sick. its not even the first time i told him except this time i did it with people around, it just popped out. but theres no reaction from him.
i sat on the kitchen table with him when i was 14 with both of my arm sliced up and he never noticed shit.
he desperately looks for things to fight about. hes such an attention w**re. he does anything to have the last word, brings up old shit that has nothing to do with the subject hes bitching about, just to have a reason to scream. and he does it public.
he gets me so fucking mad like no one else. gets me raging and then leaves the situation, leaving me with my rage all to myself with no where to turn to. so i turn it against myself. i scratched my face infront of everyone today. my whole body got cramped up and i just wnated to scream and bang my head on the floor.
he does everything on purpose. critizes me, tells me how dissappointmed he is and how he feels like he no longer has a daughter.
he calls me on the phone, yells at me, tells me what i did wrong then hangs up. and where am i supposed to put my anger after that? so i throw things and hit myself bc it gotta go somewhere.
i tell myself to just shut up and leave it be so that everyone can see what an idiot he is but instead the words pop out of me and i scream back at him. and he takes all this shit out in public.
hes the biggest hypocrite ive ever seen. he is very messy and old and tells me i didnt do shit around the house while he never did anything. his attempts to teach me how to clean were throwing all my things around in the room, throwing everything off my desk and yelling "now clean this shit up". my mom passed when i was 7 so it was only him and me. we dont live together anymore but everytime we talk its garunteed(!) that we end up fighting. every fucking time.
and he blames me for everything. according to him i did not want to learn and he was powerless. holy fuck i was 7...are you really gonna use that? he makes himself the victim.
i dont even know where to start, its all a whole bunch of shit that has piled up in my head over the years. im just so fucking angry and dont know where to put it. but things never get better. we look like crackpots
its fine if no one respondes, i just wanted to say this
i sat on the kitchen table with him when i was 14 with both of my arm sliced up and he never noticed shit.
he desperately looks for things to fight about. hes such an attention w**re. he does anything to have the last word, brings up old shit that has nothing to do with the subject hes bitching about, just to have a reason to scream. and he does it public.
he gets me so fucking mad like no one else. gets me raging and then leaves the situation, leaving me with my rage all to myself with no where to turn to. so i turn it against myself. i scratched my face infront of everyone today. my whole body got cramped up and i just wnated to scream and bang my head on the floor.
he does everything on purpose. critizes me, tells me how dissappointmed he is and how he feels like he no longer has a daughter.
he calls me on the phone, yells at me, tells me what i did wrong then hangs up. and where am i supposed to put my anger after that? so i throw things and hit myself bc it gotta go somewhere.
i tell myself to just shut up and leave it be so that everyone can see what an idiot he is but instead the words pop out of me and i scream back at him. and he takes all this shit out in public.
hes the biggest hypocrite ive ever seen. he is very messy and old and tells me i didnt do shit around the house while he never did anything. his attempts to teach me how to clean were throwing all my things around in the room, throwing everything off my desk and yelling "now clean this shit up". my mom passed when i was 7 so it was only him and me. we dont live together anymore but everytime we talk its garunteed(!) that we end up fighting. every fucking time.
and he blames me for everything. according to him i did not want to learn and he was powerless. holy fuck i was 7...are you really gonna use that? he makes himself the victim.
i dont even know where to start, its all a whole bunch of shit that has piled up in my head over the years. im just so fucking angry and dont know where to put it. but things never get better. we look like crackpots
its fine if no one respondes, i just wanted to say this
