my fault

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by *dilligaf*, Feb 8, 2007.

  1. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Back in December I took an OD..and then found out that there was a SMALL chance I might have been pregnant and lost it when I OD'ed. I don't care how small the chance my head I was and I killed it. I have never forgiven myself for it
    Just found out today that my neighbour and good friend is pregnant....and that she got pregnant in December..around the same time. She already has a little boy of 2 who I used to babysit loads for. I feel horrible, I should be happy for her (and I am) but all I keep thinking is that it could have been me. How am I supposed to be happy for her while hating myself so much for the past and thinking like this?? How am I supposed to babysit the next it grow up..knowing (in my heart atleast) what I did and knowing that that could be my child.
    Sorry I know you'll all think this is stupid as there's no way of knowing etc....but in my heart i know
  2. Right U R Ken

    Right U R Ken Well-Known Member

    Sorry downinthedumps, but the truth is you don't know. In fact, they said SMALL chance, which means it's most likely you WERE NOT pregnant.

    You're doing something I see very often here and it breaks my heart. You're holding on to pain and tortureing yourself. I wish I knew what to say but often words escape me. I can only offer the truth. It's not your fault and you didn't do anything wrong. Stop punishing yourself.
  3. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Couldn't agree with Ken more if I had written it myself !!!!
    Please stop beating yourself up over something that probably wasn't there in the first place and while we're on the subject, it's very difficult to dislodge a baby by an overdose hun; I was a nurse so am not talking out of me backside.

    Be a bit kinder to yourself. :hug: :hug:
  4. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Dev....i called nhs direct the next night cos i was having pains and umm...stuff. the doctor there said there was a small chance. do u really not think its possible?????
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    doubt very very much that it was miscarriage pains hun, more likely to be stomach cramps from the OD.
  6. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    Dev :poke: you are the best :hug: :hug:
  7. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Your not too shabby yourself :biggrin: :hug:
  8. BrokenPieces

    BrokenPieces Well-Known Member


    your beating yourself up over it... and i am doing the same... it was maybe my stupidness of drinking with my ex, partying and the sex, and i was too carrying a child, and i didnt know about it, until that night i landed myself in the hospital, and being told i had miscarried from the impact of me falling down the stairs...

    but to this day its hard to cope with it, knowing that after two years, i could have been happy, and i didnt know... i just didnt know...

    i am so so sorry for your lost... and if you need anything please PM me, email me , what ever you chose!!!

    Love BP
  9. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    I'm so sorry for your hurt :(
    I am here if you want to talk about anything x