My fault's and traits

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by LightInTheDarkestNight, Jun 23, 2011.

  1. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    List some of your's if like or feel free to comment on mine.

    Impulsiveness(anger and behavioral control) was more on an issue when when I was younger. I even had lack of empathy for others, I had much to learn and I changed as a person as I had different experiences.

    Honesty; I'm a very honest person by nature you would think this is a good trait but in many cases it's not.

    altruistic; the opposite of psychopathic; too honest, too fair, too empathetic.

    Naivety; I had quite limited social experience in large part due to my health problems and some mistakes I had make. Due to others mistreating me I became easier to manipulate and control. Naive people finds it too hard to accept the idea that some people are cunning, devious and ruthless or is "in denial" if he or she is being victimized. I had been overly naive and in denial about how I was being victimized. Like with sociopaths and psychopaths you often don't know what's up until it's too late and the damage has been done.

    low self-confidence; self-doubting, lacking in confidence and assertiveness, likely to go on the defensive too easily. This fits in too me I wasn't assertive enough which means I was able to be manipulated and controlled easier.

    Dependent; I was emotionally dependent on someone when I was only being vitimized. Due to the isolation due to my health issues I had a lack of experience. Except for one GF who I totally regretted my actions when I was 17 I hadn't had a legitimate relationship. I didn't want to make any of the same mistakes as I was burdened with guilt, and regret.

    Addictive personality; I got into drugs and alcohol basically when I turned 13. Combined with the fact the decision making part of your brain isn't fully developed until you reach 25 you don't know what you're doing to yourself. I never really drank much at all but when I drank I'd often consume a lot. It's been close to 2 years since I've drank.

    Health issues; I've had much more then my share which people can't relate to since they only know what it's like being in their own body. Mostly physical health issues but some anxiety as well. Someone may look on the outside and say I'm lazy or whatever but since they can't relate to my health problems it's a totally unfair statement.

    Being too immature; Having impaired judgment. This ties in with not going with gut instinct, this allowed me to be victimized much easier combined with my other traits or faults. Dangerous women and men for that matter, work off the fact that you think "maybe I'm wrong" and that just allows them to take advantage of you.

    Being too lonely; again this makes it more easy to be take advantage of because you're craving human contact you're willing to accept contact from a psychopath or a sociopath.

    Getting involved with the wrong crowd in junior high. Is an issue of mine not necessarily a fault per say but I thought I'd add that in.

    Then their also social factors. Like people harming me and me harming others when I was a minor. People attribute my actions to stable character traits. When in reality if you're a minor you have a lot of growing up to do, their is also the context of the situation.

    People being vindictive and going after "street justice" or revenge. Basically me being the social scapegoat because in their opinion I was the cause of "trouble". This meant people had no qualms about victimizing be because they felt i had deserved it.

    Social influence comes into play on this if you like or really like someone and they have a beef with me then you will have no qualms about being cruel.

    Anyways maybe you can use your imagination why some of these traits,faults and circumstances would interact with each other and cause someone issues.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 23, 2011
  2. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I definitely have altruistic, because I'm very empathetic and I try to be as non-judgmental as possible, understanding and honest

    I'm kind of naive my mom says, but I don't think so...I'm just more forgiving and I'm willing to give people a chance to show their good nature...I tend to believe in the good of people...

    I got to learn that some people are just evil though...they have chosen that path of their own free will and I must accept it and move on...I don't like thinking about it...

    I have low confidence although I'm working on it...

    I have a tendency to isolate myself in my own world too...
     
  3. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Another one.

    too masochistic - lack of self-respect and unconsciously let psychopaths take advantage of them. They think they deserve it out of a sense of guilt.

    I felt immense guilt about a failed relationship. Unconsciously maybe this is why I allowed myself to be taken advantage off. I even remember thinking to myself if I could suffer and it would take away her pain I would take that trade off.

    In some weird way me opening up was a test to see if people would mistreat me because if they did in some sick way I felt I deserved it.

    Also remember thinking how I was a burden to my family, that they'd be better off without me. I think people mistreating(victimizing) me made me feel bad about myself. When your victimized you either internalize it and feel bad about yourself or you get aggressive.

    I wasn't very smart immature and impulsive, well I ended up getting this one girl pregnant. She went with another guy when she was pregnant. When I was willing to work things out for my son because I wanted him to have parents that were together.

    Even this past fall we started being in a relationship. I recall lying in bed at her house opening up to her telling some things about my past. Within a couple week or so she picked a fight with me over nothing so she could run back to that other guy who treated me badly. She told me she still liked him He would talk to other women on the phone in front of her and text them. She even told me about how she made a fake FB account with her friend to see if he'd go for another girl. She also then went on a dating website. When she supposedly liked this other guy.

    Her brother told me how some 300lb guy came to meet her I teased her about liking fattys and she was like you're nothing special, maybe you once were but not anymore. She showed me how she had messages from lot's of guys and was texting lot's of guys.

    The next two women I liked and was willing to give my all to were also just using me and had no genuine interest at all. :(

    It's all so sad and I'm a dad to a beautiful son.
     
  4. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    aww I'm so sorry you're going through all that...some people can be jerks...sounds like she only cared about herself...it's not your fault for believing it could work...you tried and it didn't work...

    you have a beautiful son out of that, so it can't all be that bad...and I'm sure you'll meet a girl that will respect you and want to be with you for you...I know they are hard to find but they are not impossible...

    I guess she likes to be treated bad by others...I always meet guys that have been hurt by their ex and when they meet me, they dump me because I don't hurt them, I treat them with respect, love and I always try to be non-judgmental and accepting of the person...but apparently that's not good...they'd date me if I treated them like shit, took all their money and cheated on them...sigh...
     
  5. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your kind words it means a lot. Yes she is pretty selfish I think having my son was her way of being independent, getting money from the government and support from me and my family. She grew up without her biological dad so maybe she doesn't quite understand how important it is and I'm sure that caused her issues as well.

    I'm sorry you've been taken for granted yourself, you're a sweetheart who deserves a great guy maybe he'll come around when you least expect it.

    It's odd how some people seem to get attracted to those that treat them badly and are only out to use them. In a way love or attraction is blind in that sense.

    Sincere, respectful, nonjudgmental , loving people are sure hard to find. Not too sound to cynical but I think with all of my issues and the context of my life I'd be a bit delusional to think I'd find a great girl. Who knows though stranger things have happened. Sometimes reality can be stranger then fiction!

    Maybe it's because true loving people come off as needy and aren't as much as a challenge. I've heard and found myself people tend to like you more if you give them less attention and are more self centered.
     
  6. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    amen, I completely agree to that one.
     
  7. LightInTheDarkestNight

    LightInTheDarkestNight Well-Known Member

    It's weird how sometimes the truth is certainly stranger then fiction.