I can't beleive this shit, how can people live with theirselves ffs?!!? All my life I have been hurt over and over anfd over 21 years of nothing but pain, lies, menipulation, abuse. Since I was a small child I've been hurt as a small child I put a huge wall up to protect myself and everytime I think hey you have to trust someone and they prooved themself I trust then I get hurt, people don't care the torment they put me through, EVERY single time I let my graud down and trust someone beleiving they care and would use me or hurt me they drop the fucking bomb, I can't take it anymore, I can't I can't be hurt anymore, it happend over and over and over and over and over and over, WHY?????? What did I erver do? I have aklways been there for people I do my very best to be a friend and help people even if it means I can't help myself bevccause I put it all on others I care too much, I don't want to care about people anymore, but hey I don't matter why not? fuck all this. It's not fair not at all people tell me not to hurt myself, but yet it's fine for anyone and their fucking doig to hurt me and it doesn't matter because it';s just Carolyn, she doesn't matter!!!!!!!