My feelings

[nothingandnoone]

Hello everyone.

I have hit a new low point and every minute of every all I think about is escaping. I have stopped caring about myself and am realy struggling to get through each day.

I can't sleep more than 2 hours a night. I lie there and my eyes are closed but it feels like im awake all night - but then of a day I am tired and have zero energy.

My family never cared about me in 32 years and one by one I have fell out with everyone except my auntie which made me realise that I must be the problem.

I've had suicidal thoughts for at least 10 years but this time is different. I have thought about travelling to a remote place but decided at home is best as there is a less chance of a member of the public having to find me.

My auntie is in her late 70s and she has no idea I feel like this as I would not ever want to worry her, especially at her age and health.

To anyone who reads this who might be having negative thoughts, please don't give up hope like me. I am just a week person and I truly belive there is no solution for me. It's taken over a decade to realise this, but i am fighting a battle that was lost years ago.

So thats basically where im at right now. A lonely, miserable existence that has never got better for me.

Thanks for reading and stay safe.

 

[may71]

Sorry that you're going through this

My family never cared about me in 32 years and one by one I have fell out with everyone except my auntie which made me realise that I must be the problem

I don't think that's true. People often relate to others based on their self-interests, or mistreat someone simply because they think they can get away with it. It sounds like your family members have just always dealt with you selfishly, except your auntie.

I can't sleep more than 2 hours a night. I lie there and my eyes are closed but it feels like im awake all night - but then of a day I am tired and have zero energy.

The link in my signature has some information about treatment methods. The link goes to the member resources forum on SF. Here's a copy of the link in case you're on a phone.

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help

It's a good idea to get on medication if you are at risk for a suicide attempt. There are also some good non-medication treatment methods.

I truly belive there is no solution for me

In most cases there's a way to get better so that you feel glad to be alive. All the pain that you've been through may make it seem like there's no solution, but I don't think that's true.

I hope things can get better soon

Wishing you good things

 

[1964dodge]

welcome to SF we are a peer community that cares but never judges. look at the different forums and post when you feel comfortable or go to our chat section if you prefer real time. i'm sorry things are so bad for you right now. sometimes suicide seems like the only answer, i get that i've been there. but suicide is never the answer. please call the emergency # or hospital. just something to consider, most people came to this site looking for ways to end it. but almost all of us found a way to cope and live on. you are not alone we will listen to you so please stick around....mike...

 

[SkyTree]

Hi sorry about how things are going. I hope you find Suicide Forum to be a caring place where you can take refuge. I just want you to know you are cared for by all of us as well as by your auntie. That is more than enough reason to fight to live because the world would not be the same place without you. You are not weak; we've all been in your position and we understand how tough it can be just to stay alive. Instead of looking at the whole future try taking things day by day. Try to have strength just to face one day at a time. Try doing things you enjoy that makes you feel better. I like listening to music and playing video games. Again we are all here for you! You are not alone!

 

[MosesY]

Sorry that you're going through this

I don't think that's true. People often relate to others based on their self-interests, or mistreat someone simply because they think they can get away with it. It sounds like your family members have just always dealt with you selfishly, except your auntie.


The link in my signature has some information about treatment methods. The link goes to the member resources forum on SF. Here's a copy of the link in case you're on a phone.

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help

It's a good idea to get on medication if you are at risk for a suicide attempt. There are also some good non-medication treatment methods.


In most cases there's a way to get better so that you feel glad to be alive. All the pain that you've been through may make it seem like there's no solution, but I don't think that's true.

I hope things can get better soon

Wishing you good things

The replies here are full of wisdom and I hope you take them to heart. I care about you; my inbox is always open for you if you want to chat privately. Hugs to you.

 

[JDot]

Hey @nothingandnoone It sounds like you're in a lot of pain. I'm glad you found SF. You'll always have a place here to share your pain. Pain shared is pain lessened. We're here for you. And we're glad to have you here.