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My feelings

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EmptyShell

#1
No one cares
This is what I fear..
Darkness embedding my soul
Reaping all the good words told..
My life I sold to pepole to be popular
I sit alone, as if in a hall of stone,
I cry, I wish to die.
A single tear drop down
So bitter and cold
yet soothingly warm
I wonder to myslef
Why,
When,
Where..
I once found you
The one I wished for..
Your love was all..
I never felt alone..
I didn't even have to see
I was allways free with you.
But one day, you just left..
You let me be alone, you said we grew apart
I never felt like you were far..
Atleast not untill your face was infront of mine
I looked in your eyes, clear like azure sky
I wondered how, such pretty things
could give the illusion of horrible lies
I stayed awake for the longest time,
tried to die, wanted it to end
wanted angels to send a word of hope
so I could resort these feelings..

But inside of me I grew cold,
I saw the world from behind glass windows.
I built a wall, a castle, I was king.
I laughet smiled, didn't care, didn't fear.
I had the best time of my life, I forgot about you.
I thought of you to be dead.
Alone in my bed, I still didn't care.
I just kept on going, loving no one.
I mocked life, death, friends, foe, all and yet I didn't feel alone..
Feelings, didn't excist any more.. at all..

Then I saw you again,
Your smile your warmth,
the old times came back,
the walls came down,
My castle was torn.
You only said "Hi, nice to see you, good bye"
I could hear my soul cry "let me die"

Why...
I can't take it no more..
In death is rest,
and forever I shall sleep,
I just wish it could be you and me..

I love you now and forever..
Why did you leave me...
Could you not see?
I would give anything for thee...

These are my feelings, forever forgotten forever remembered, may sometime you read this, and not hate me but think of me as yours...

Good bye..
 
#2
hun are you okay? you seem to be in a lot of pain, what is going on, something in paticular? if I can do anything just let me know.




:hug:




xxxxxxxx
 
E

EmptyShell

#3
I don't know...
I'm burning inside, I feel like crying, I feel like cutting my self so deep..

but I just feel so paralyzed...
I don't know why or whats going on, I feel utter desperation, I feel like I'm dying inside...
 

Sorrow

Well-Known Member
#4
Sorry your hurting so much and feeling alone. I do care. If you want to talk about it now or any other time, I am here for you. Hope things get better.
 
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EmptyShell

#5
I love your picture ^^;;

it gets better, then it goes down the drain again
You fight the lonelyness and the despair with all you have.
You beg, you cry, you scream, you shout, you lie.
you lie to yourself, to your friends, to your loved ones
you do anything to get better..

but in the end... you'r just more hurt and lost then in the start
you wish to cry.. thoughts of ending it comes creeping back, and you lay awake, thinking of scenarioes of what would happen if you die, your mom crying, your dad smiling, your sister crying, your uncle and aunt crying, then making sarcastic remarcs about what a pussy you were for dying, seeing the rest of the relatives whom you don't know stand there, wondering how "a boy could go so wrong" saying "he was allways a troubled one", "to great for life", "he is in a better place now"
what the fuck are you talking about I'm rotting in the ground thats all you know for sure...

You walk around with your friends, people who hang around you because everyone knows you, but not know you.
everyone respects the idea revolving around you, but in the end of the night you are alone.

You find a few people you love, you take them close and tell them who you are, what you do, and what you feel, and they flee... you end up even more isolated swearing not to do the same mistake again..

You take drugs, trip for days, weeks, but when it's over you feel even more alone, and you wonder if you would not been happier if you OD somewhere noone found you...

you are lying in your bed, looking at the roof, all alone, thinking
"it will get better, it will be better sometime"

When, what can you do, what makes it worth it?
I found 1 reason for keeping the happy mask on, and now I fear I'm loosing that precious one.. the one I would sacrifice all my "friends" for..
 

Sorrow

Well-Known Member
#6
It's sad that we can't be ourselves and have to hide how we really feel so that others feel comfortable. Sorry to hear that loved ones left when you opened up to them. Not everyone is like that, though.
Do you really think that your dad would smile if you died? How sad.
Don't lose hope. What else do we have? Who knows maybe things can get better. I'm here to listen anytime.
 
S

SomeOneClose

#7
Little friend, do not fear
truly I do care..
You gave me such a scare
but know I'm here..

I touched your wrist,
you clenced your fist,
told me to let go, shouted
LEAVE ME ALONE..

I watched in despair as you slipped away..
This is the you that noone knows,
your smile lights up so many lives,
your stories causes laughter and cries.
I die inside when I see how you feel, but thrust me,
I wont let you be free, I'll allways stay next to thee..

but let me ask you this, I know you..
You know atleast a 1000 people..
I bet 5 people know you..

You sit alone, you are hard as stone, you never open up..
Your scars tell stories, some humores others sad..
your eyes makes the world go around..
your lies tear down walls...
Why did you make your life like this?
What in you made you take the first steps?
Whom do you blame?
 
E

EmptyShell

#8
SomeOneClose said:
Why did you make your life like this?
What in you made you take the first steps?
Whom do you blame?

Why, why does water follow the moon from tide to low..
What, Despair, lonliness, anger
Whom, me, father, mother, school, everyone and no one.. in the end.. I stand alone.. it's all me...

I thank you for your kind words, I feel warm inside right now, I try to treasure theese moments...

Sometimes I wonder... will I care if someone close to me dies again, or will I block it out.. I wonder how people here can sit and care, offer a portion of their heart for people who really just hate, cry and die inside, who loath others, who look down on benevolent persons..
 
#9
It's scary how true this rings, even now, even truer, how nothing has changed..

I wrote this a long time ago, when I felt utterly despaired, things seemed to work out, things seemed to be getting better.. Now I'm back, and the feeling now, that I realise that, in the end, nothing changed... is.. scary..
The only thing that changed, is that I don't think my dad would smile anymore.. I guess thats something atleast..
 
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