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My feelings

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lord.nigel

Well-Known Member
#1
My suicidal feelings have returned I must admit, much like before. I'm not extreme or crying or the like but more, very relaxed about it and I realise it is probably the best thing to do. I remember when I used to do therapy, this kind of relaxed feeling tended to scare a lot of people, because they knew I was serious....and tbh I really am.

I'm nothing like the person I used to be. I used to be very outgoing before I suffered my burns and now I feel like an absolute freak. I've looked at treatment options for months, both mainstream and alterative and I cannnot find an answer. That coupled with my rather depressing and isolated life, compared to the one I used to have and knowing I will probably never get that life back is very disheartening.

I don't feel able to speak to anyone about it around me. They all assume the therapy I was under should've helped and that I would now be taking it the rest of the way to live a somewhat fulfilling life. I cant help but think that is based on the idea that my life is livable, which i truly believe it isnt. So I sit here pretending all is ok, but I know its simply a diversion from whats really the truth.

I'm horribly lonely, i spent all my time alone and I get horrible stares when I go out. Now if there was some way that this would go away, i would be more than happy to simply wait it out, but its not - its a permanent thing. I know i'll never find anyone rewarding or anyone to live me and it makes me realise, I should have made more of the relationships I used to be in, instead of being so picky. Now i simply disgust myself.

I just dont understand why I should stay around simply to make other people happy. I'm insanely unhappy and its hurtful to be the one simply living this horrible life like some sort of show pony just so that other people will feel a little less guilty.

Terrible things happen and i've tried to make them better but I simply cannot and i honestly cannot live like this.

Enough is enough. :grr:
 

Sadeyes

Staff Alumni
#2
I truly can relate to this; last July, I walked for the last time...spent 3 months in a hospital and then a nursing home for rehab, and was sent home with no support...I am treated like a non-person by so many when I am out...people ask the person I am with questions about me...or they crash into me and ask if I can move faster...so yes, I do understand...and I know it is hard...please PM me if I can be there for you...I do understand the best and worst of ppl after this trauma...J
 

total eclipse

SF Friend
Staff Alumni
#3
you cannot look at what you had okay the past is over with What you need to look at is the present tense and get help to cope with you sadness your pain.
Therapy Meds talk to someone okay get some help for You
 

Lizzieni

Well-Known Member
#7
Hello
I really feel for you.
There was a series in the Uk a few months by Katie Piper on channel 4 - a model who was burned. She set up a charity to help people with disfigurements and (from the tv show) is amazing. Whilst you are in Sydney I'd definitely recommend looking at her charity's website. She helps with psychological issues aswell as physical.
Think it's just called katie piper foundation/charity.
Hope it helps.
 
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