my fiancé wants to die

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by cmedina1995, Oct 6, 2014.

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  1. cmedina1995

    cmedina1995 New Member

    Hi, I'm unsure what section of this forum I should post to, but I suppose this is somewhat of a crisis, and I really need some help.
    I have been with this girl for about 3 years now. We both have massive issues with depression and have made multiple attempts on our own lives in the past. Each and every time we have been able to help eachother through the bad times, and we usually end up giving each other hope, (and a reason to keep going).
    She has put up with a whole lot of my problems; addiction to pornography (which I have recently started going SLAA meetings for), substance addictions and more. She had pre-existing body image issues, which my addiction has just made worse. She is struggling with bulimia and can't seem to believe that I love her the way she is. (All of this I feel an immense amount of guilt and responsibility for, which is another issue in itself). We can be quite violent with each other, and as a result, are no longer living together. I'm having huge issues dealing with guilt and shame, but that's not what I'm really worried about. Lately she had been talking about how she doesn't want to live in a world with such little compassion. She used to want to help others, she's a human rights activist, and is into politics. She's a member of youth parliament and is extremely intelligent. But lately, she's lost basically all interest in what she used to love.

    The past week or so, she has pretty well hit rock bottom. She has been discussing methods of suicide with me... today one of her friends called me with concerns over a facebook post which basically said "if anyone has anything to say to me, now is your last chance".

    ive managed to talk her out of it once this week already, but today I had no such luck. After calling her around midday concerning the post on facebook, I contacted a mental health crisis team. They contacted her mother (who she has been staying with for the last week), which caused her a great deal of embarrassment. She took it out on me, placing responsibility on me to undo what I've done. I feel as if anything I try to do will to stop her from committing will push her further away.

    Im so hopelessly in love with her, that I don't think I'd be able to cope if she did it... so I offered to do it with her. Ive gone to the extent of writing out a suicide note, which I have left at home. And I'd said my goodbyes (in the least alarming way possible, as I didn't want to give away my plan). After giving it a lot of thought, I can't condone an attempt on her own life, or mine.... I'm at her mother's with her now. But I've got absolutely no idea how or what to do when morning comes. She's adamant on dying. And I just can't let her go. I feel so horrible and even feel like ive contributed to this. I guess I really need some support, even though I don't deserve it...
  2. K8E

    K8E Well-Known Member

    Of course you deserve support. We are all human and we all make mistakes. You have to talk to the Crisis team to keep you both safe or to her mother as I guess you are staying there with her. She needs urgent help and if that means her hating you then so be it. You are both very ill and need help. Hope you both make it.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    She should understand you will do everything in your power to keep her safe because of your love for her. Let her be mad ok you did the right thing and you will have to do it again to keep her safe and hopefully they get her into hospital so she can get professional help and take the burden off you
  4. cmedina1995

    cmedina1995 New Member

    Yea, I'd rather lose my fiancé over a fight than death.
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