I haven't written anything in a while and just felt like venting a little. My fiance took her life in january and so far it's been the craziest year of my life. Like I said, my best friend from highschool was killed in a skateboarding accident and I thought that was the biggest thing I would ever have to deal with, but I was wrong. I had made a new best friend and lover about 5 yrs ago. She was everything. My night, my day, my happiness, my light. I'm so lost now. I've lost a lot of people that i've gotten really close to in this short life of mine and have just grown to accept that loss is going to follow me around till i'm gone. I was born to struggle. I do feel sorry for myself from time to time. I know it's not healthy for my mind, but it's a feeling that comes so natural sometimes. I feel like my soul is grey and dull and lost. Trying my best to cope, but I also feel like my time should be coming soon. I need the Lord to bring me happinness, cause i'm tired of searching for it.