my fiance took her life and my best friend died in an accident

I haven't written anything in a while and just felt like venting a little. My fiance took her life in january and so far it's been the craziest year of my life. Like I said, my best friend from highschool was killed in a skateboarding accident and I thought that was the biggest thing I would ever have to deal with, but I was wrong. I had made a new best friend and lover about 5 yrs ago. She was everything. My night, my day, my happiness, my light. I'm so lost now. I've lost a lot of people that i've gotten really close to in this short life of mine and have just grown to accept that loss is going to follow me around till i'm gone. I was born to struggle. I do feel sorry for myself from time to time. I know it's not healthy for my mind, but it's a feeling that comes so natural sometimes. I feel like my soul is grey and dull and lost. Trying my best to cope, but I also feel like my time should be coming soon. I need the Lord to bring me happinness, cause i'm tired of searching for it.

 

It is no wonder you feel that way with all the grave losses you have experienced...and yes, I hope you find happiness, as well...big hugs, J

 

I'm so sorry for your losses....I can hear your pain and I understand what it's like to lose a loved one to suicide...my heart goes out to you
I wonder if you're having any counseling?
It might help

 

Hi. I'm so sorry for the loss of bestfriend and the loss of your love. That's so awful. I don't know how a loving God could be so cruel? There is one thing you can do though. You can keep the memory of your best friend and your true love alive by doing something in their memory. They sound like they were really special people, so do something special in their honour. Don't give up no matter how hard things get. They wouldn't want you to take your own life. They would want you to keep living your life. :hug: