I've come to the conclusion at this point that it's time for me to make a final decision on my future. I've contemplated suicide in the past, but I always pushed forward towards some new goal or direction. I have no history of depression, and even now I'm not depressed, although admittedly I became depressed for a couple of days when the reality of my situation became clear. I've already picked out the method, based on effectiveness, time, and inconvenience to others, and I've also set a March 15th deadline for reasons that will be discussed hereafter. I'm not posting this to get emotional responses about continuing forward or not giving up hope. Hope, after all, is for those who have nothing else. This is a detached, rational assessment of my situation, and I am looking for other perspectives on it. Since depression is not an issue, telling me to get therapy and medication will do no good. I will lay out pertinent information below: First, is my job situation. I have two degrees, a B.A. in Marketing, and a B.S. in Information Technology. Neither of which have done me any good in finding a job. In fact, I've never had an interview before. I've come to the conclusion that the best way to find a job is to have a job, hoping a company will hire from within. Every job wants experience, and the only way to get experience is to get a job. My current strategy is to find a job as a receptionist, data entry clerk, secretary, or some other low level job at a company and then hope that they will promote me from within. Obviously there's a lot working against me in this as well since experience is still required and they're going to be wondering why someone with two degrees is applying to answer a phone for someone. Even in the event that I do get a low level job such as the ones stated above, I may not be able to physically handle them due to a severe back injury. The vertebrate towards the bottom of my back is dislocated and the disc is virtually gone. Standing is impossible for me for more than maybe 15min before pain starts to set in. That eliminates virtually all retail jobs, which is an enormous chunk of the available jobs out there. In addition, my condition appears to be continually deteriorating. Four to five years ago I was able to stand for 10 hours a day teaching tennis, albeit incredibly painfully. Two years later I could no longer teach tennis. As time went on I continued to cut out physical activities to the point where I could no longer walk on a treadmill. For the past year I was relegated to sitting in a chair all day, until the past few months when I could no longer do that. I can't even rock in my rocking chair anymore, which was one of the few joys in my life. I'm now relegated to lying on the floor all day long on some old sleeping bags. To make matters worse, I have virtually no possessions and I have no money. The only reason I'm not homeless is because I'm able to live in a guestroom at my dad's house. Unfortunately my dad is going to lose the small business he owns (Thanks Obama) and he too will have no work. The probability that he will lose his house is high. Right now I enter data into a database for him part time from home, so my food and electricity isn't really a burden on him at the moment. That all changes on March 15th, the day he no longer has a job and the day I become a burden. It is also the day I have decided to make my exit should it come to that. While I could mentally handle being homeless, the physical aspect is an impossibility for me. I've lost a lot of years and I've sacrificed a lot. I've dealt with daily physical pain as I worked towards some new hope or goal. My goals and ambitions were all that were keeping me going, and now I'm at the end of my road. I've studied and worked very hard to try and avert what I saw was an inevitability. I acquired degrees, tried to start a business, and even was working towards fluency in reading Japanese. All of it failed, and now I am out of time and out of ideas. I've given up a lot over the years to try and break through, and I missed out on the things most people take for granted. I continually convinced myself that if I just kept working hard and sacrificing that I would make it at some point. Here I am, 28 years old, and years later and I have nothing. At some point I have to accept the fact that it's not going to happen for me. All I've done is force myself to endure years of pain and effort for no payoff. Even if I find some low level job, and pull together the money to try and get surgery or something, they may not be able to fix my back anyway and then my only option would be morphine, which isn't an option in my view. Furthermore, the longer I spend without a job, and the longer I spend not doing what my degrees are for, the more discrimination I'm going to face as I apply for these jobs. In other words, in all aspects, things will only get worse as time goes on. I have 2 months to see if something comes along, and then that's it for me, I'll be out of time. I've accepted my predicament for what it is. Feel free to offer your perspective on all this, but I believe my assessment to be accurate and valid. Thanks.