I find it difficult to write normally, I've wrote this to be read at my funeral, I know its pathetic, I'm pathetic and stupid...I just wanted to let anyone who does turn up to know how I was feeling... none of it makes sense and I apologise, I wish the thoughts would ease. You all saw her with a smile of her face going thru life, with no problems to embrace beliving she could handal her own so u all left her feeling alone You believed that she didn't need ur love or ur care u saw what u wanted to see, not what was really there. U all ignored the signs that she gave which has now lead her to her grave She reached out to you, her mum but you left her feeling it was her fault, she was dumb words of pathetic, stupid, annoying and calling her a tart are words she took right to the heart. The words u called her, are the words she used for herself that then lead her to kill herself. She longed to hear the words like I love you but they day they came, it rang untrue words like pathetic and tart that came from the heart were said with so much truth, made her feel like a spare part. words like i love you, to ease ur guilt from playing ur part. but were words said with out emotion or any heart. She tried to hide the pain she felt inside show herself and everyone that she still had some pride but she was running from feelings she was always told to hide no-one realised or saw that years ago this girl had died She never felt part of the family, she always felt she was the enemy blamed for everything that went wrong but still she tried to remain strong. Years of feeling lonely and afraid feelings of being betrayed betrayed by those she thought cared but no more of this can be shared. Her life became to much, she felt to overwhelmed She admitted defeat, she couldn't fight so before she closed her eyes for the nite she asked me to let you know that now things will be alright.