I've been suicidal for three years now. This year will be the fourth. I'm 15 years old. I've spoken to 34 people online. One of them was a person from samaritans. Some have made me think again about my decision, but then my mind always finds something that doesn't agree with the idea. I've tried to be happy many times, I even tried following the ways of god, but nothing works. I've given up now. I've promised myself a day to end it. I think about how I'm going to do it 24/7 I've thought about how my family will react, but I just can't take it anymore. I've given my family a hint and what they told me is that I have become stupid like all the other little kids who cut themselves. I don't expect any sympathy from people. I just want them to know that I'll be glad to go. I'm already dead. Everyday I just walk around with a forced smile on my face. I just feel like lying on the road and getting run over when I'm walking to school. I want to sleep forever. I've lost hope. I have no meaning to live and I don't think I want a meaning either. This generation is not compatible with my kind. I used to have a reason for feeling suicidal. I sort of still do but it doesn't seem like a reason to me. I've become detached from the world and I don't know what I mean but I think I'm happy this way, in a strange sense.