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My final words.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ferg, Mar 27, 2012.

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  1. Ferg

    Ferg Member

    I cannot breath anymore.

    My life as it was, I cannot forget. They all say that we shouldn't dwell on the past. My past forged me, made me who I am. How can I forget?

    I've done things I'm not proud of. Things no one knows about. And they never will. I've lied. I've decieved. I've pushed you away.

    I'm not honest with myself, how can I be honest with you?

    I hate myself, every fiber of my being. I want to rip myself apart. I know you love me, and I love you back. You have kept me alive with your support for so long.

    But I am beyond that now.

    I don't want to see my future. I don't want to know what I can do with it. There is no more fight left in me.

    I am tired. Tired of living a lie, keeping the appearance of happiness when my insides feel like they're swallowed by darkness.

    I can no longer be happy for myself. Although it may seem it at times. I am burning inside. I smile at you, knowing I will miss you.

    I have been a burdon. Those days will be over soon. You will miss me at first, but know that I am happier.

    I have caused you pain, I apologise for that. This is the final pain I will cause you. My final act of selfishness.

    Know I tried. For so many years to stay alive. I tried my absolute hardest. But as everything else I have failed at that too.

    I wish you all the best.

    I love you.

  2. rv498

    rv498 Well-Known Member

    I feel the same way but somehow I believe in reincarnation wheel of life , karma. Life will be always challenging , again and again. So suicide is not gonna make any difference. I have to find alternate means to find happiness. I think happiness can come from things around us. Slow music of Mozart , nice breeze, warm sun, kind smile from stranger, innocent looks of children, pat on the back by ur best friends are some of the stuff that helps me to get through a day.
  3. @ferg,
    Please don't do it.. Please continue to talk to us.. :hug:
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