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My First and Hardest Loss

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by DeathMiAmore, Mar 27, 2007.

  1. DeathMiAmore

    DeathMiAmore Member

    My first ever loss was my aunt. Up until 3 years ago I had never lost anyone that I really loved and knew so well. She killed herself. No one knows why and to this day I don't know how, but I would rather not know. I still haven't gone to her grave and I don't talk about it, pretending like it never happened until a holiday comes around and she doesn't show up. It was hard the first Christmas and I have seemed to convince myself that it never actually happened.

    First I was SO mad at her for doing it and then when I became depressed and near death myself, I began to forgive her. Though it still hurts. I love her and just know that whatever pain she was in is gone now and she must feel so much better.
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Dealing with a loss by any means is difficult. When it is the first one and one by their own doing, I think it is even more so. There are so many unanswered questions. It is normal for you to feel anger at your aunt. I am glad it has passed beyond that stage into one where you are more understanding of what she must have felt like to make the decision that the pain was just to great for her to stay and be with her family. They say that time heals all wounds. I am not sure I agree with that. I think with time comes acceptance and maybe the pain fades, but not necessarily heals. The grieving process can take many years for some people while others get through it in a much quicker time. Know that we are here to offer you compassion and support throughout this very difficult time. Anniversaries and holidays are extremely hard. Take care. You are in my thoughts. :hug:
  3. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    i agree its very hard to get over them, one min they are there and the next thier gone. ive delt with that but i wasnt really close to her.
  4. FIFER2007

    FIFER2007 Member

    Its f*kd up isnt it i dont know how i'd cope if i live long enough to see my family go, must be soo hard man but dont you think your aunt would want you to live? I mean were all thinking about suicide but were still helpable because were only thinking about it thats why we go on these forums to find out more, im sure if you think about it you know your aunt would want you to have a great long life and ye i hope shes feelin better whever she is take care