I read lots of your posts and my story is a bit different. The person I lost I hadn't seen or talked to in 10 years. When I was in kindergarten I had no friends. I went to a French immersion school and I had a really hard time learning so my mom made me repeat kindergarten! Everyone made fun of me the second year except one boy. He didn't care and he was my only friend. I was the only girl invited to his birthday party and he made me feel good every day. He had two guy friends who didn't treat me as good as he did but they weren’t bad to me either. We were friends for 2 1/2 years then I left the school. We saw each other a few times after because we lived in the same community (our houses were about 4 blocks apart) but I never knew exactly where he lived. We were both extremely shy and never said a word to each other when we did see each other but we always made eye contact and remembered one another. 10 years had passed and I thought about him soooo often. I never got a boyfriend all through jr. high and high school and I realised that he was the only guy I ever truely liked. I looked his last name up in the phone book but I never found his address. I didn't know his dad's name either so I couldn't find his number. I wanted to get in touch with him sooooo bad over the years but I was also to afraid. Then, August 14 2006 my sister woke me up at 2:00 in the afternoon. She said mom wanted to show me something. I got up and she showed me a picture of a guy my age in the obituary. It was him. She recognized his name because I had talked about him so often. I stared at his picture for so long. I hardly cried that day but I made up for it. I'm still making up for it. On Aug. 7th, he was riding his motorcycle with some friends outside the city. I guess they were going fast, and he lost control and was killed. No other vehicles where involved. I don't know details, or where it happened really. His funeral was being held the day I found out but a few hours earlier. I wish now I could have gone. I looked his father up in the phone book and found his address and phone number. I took the opportunity to write his family a letter and I delivered it the next day but I never got a reply. I also made a donation to a charity in lieu of flowers and I did get a thank-you card back for that. I have so many regrets that I feel like I can't handle it anymore. I want more than anything to believe in an afterlife so that when I die I can see him again and tell him what he did for me and that I love him. That's part of the reason why I'm suicidal. To this day I have never had a boyfriend. He would be the closest guy to a boyfriend that I've ever had. I feel like I'm in love with him. He was the same guy the day he died as he was when I knew him. I know this because of what I read in his obituary. I have no interest in anybody else. I want to live the rest of my life alone so that I can be with him one day. Does this make any sense? The sooner I die, the better I feel. It gets worse because I can't talk to anyone about this! My family and my friends don't understand. They think I'm overreacting and... actually I don't know what they really think. I just feel like I can't talk to them. There's no empathy from anyone. They say things like "well, you didn't really know him" and "there's lots of guys out there". I feel like sh*t.