my first attempt to kill myself

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by tyge18, Jan 7, 2010.

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  1. tyge18

    tyge18 Member

    hi everyone, im new here. i wont give too much info about my self personally

    just wanted to share my experience with trying to kill myself. I dont remember that much of what was going through my head, i was thinking clearly honestly but trying to push rational thoughts out of my head in fear that I wouldn't be able to go through with it. I even wrote up a little note for my mom and brothers to find if they even bothered to check on me that next morning

    I remember looking for pills, and was pissed off that all I could find <Mod Edit: IrishDoll Methods> I knew deep down that wouldn't be enough so after taking each one of them I checked cabinets, drawers and such for more pills, anything to OD on and found NOTHING. it was odd because usually there are tons of meds, old meds laying around in my home. I just laid down and prayed that i would not wake up again. i just wanted to die honestly. i woke up throwing up, and made up some story to my mom about being over heated and not feeling well, so i stayed home from school. i spent most of that day on the couch not talking to anyone

    i dont know what i think of that? I mean I still feel like killing myself but after a failed attempt I am too worried that I might end up in the hospital again if I fail again. I vowed that only when I obtain XXX will I try again, atleast that way I have a higher % chance of killing myself, or bleeding to death if Im lucky and no calls 911 on me.

    iduno why im writing this..I have never told anyone this before actually i never spoke to any of the therapist that ive been forced to go to, just sat in the room and kept silent, my mom wouldn't believe me if i told her, and even if she did she'd just think i was doing it for attention or would tell me to "get the fuck over myself" or something like that
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 7, 2010
  2. betteroffunknown

    betteroffunknown Well-Known Member

    hey there. i'm so sorry to hear that you want to suicide. i wish you could see what i see, and that is a young person with so much potential. as the saying goes the world is your oyster. what tells me that you have this potential? try the passion you have to end life. you turn that passion around and put it towards something more constructive you'll go anywhere in life that you want to. i believe in you totally and completely. hang in there and keep talking with us like you are. we're here to listen and we will. please take care
  3. tyge18

    tyge18 Member

    I really don't have much potential in life actually, that looks pretty and nice to say but in reality not everyone has potential to benefit society very much.
  4. supermodel

    supermodel Well-Known Member

    How do you know that you don't have potential? You sound very young and that's really not enough time to figure out what you can do to make your mark on the world.

    I seriously didn't figure it out until I was 27. Up until that time I was just...existing .
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