i almost killed myself, my mom is so pissed that i got out of school because she doesn't want me to be a drop out, but she doesn't care I almost died. A man stopped to talk to me. I was standing at the bridge about an hour and a half.... just trying to get my heart to calm down. They are supposed to have me under close watch at school, but noone noticed I was gone.Thousands of cars driving past, only one person gave a damn. Tried to find shelter in the houses around there, accidently stepped on a dead, decaying, green, slimy bird. More dead squirells. All the houses were abandoned and the one person who answered wouldn't let me in. I just asked to use the restroom, all I wanted was some human companionship. Just to be in another humans presences. I couldn't get over the fear, i couldn't kill myself. I cried after i walked away, i was muttering and screaming to myself but the construction workers didn't care.... they thought it was funny. I didn't go to any of my classes. took my emergency meds and that didn't work. Noone gives a damn about me. Try calm down... the song.... the montra.....death......but i just froze. the dead came and i saw it. I tried to feel and smell and breath the air, and i felt it like magic.....but that didn't even help!!!!! Every single thought just rushing through so fast, and time is so slow and orderly. Fate had no bearing on this, on my situation, on me. I was without it and disillusioned, without a kind word, though scared and anxious as fuck. I felt alive for one hurried second, now gone. And I'm left with all these words and pains that will never be expressed. My mind has been given no time to process, how to ever feel the feelings unfelt in the hurried moment? My mind wants to sort it out, my brain is smarter and needs to rest. I have filthy muck all in between my toes from running through the forest in sandals, i need to go wash off and relax and eat and please please please mom don't yell at me, let me recover. I had to try to express myself, because it was a heavy day.