My first Poem (may trigger)

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by rosky71, Jul 26, 2009.

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  1. rosky71

    rosky71 Well-Known Member

    hello guys im new here and the past month i had alot go on that lead to my depression the main source is an issue i had with a girl. But this is my first poem i ever written so i would appreciate it if you guys would read it and post your thought good, bad, or eh i would like to know what everyone thinks, and give me advice on how to make it better,like if i should add or take out stuff anything im looking forward to hearing everyones opinion...thank you all

    My First Poem

    The water turns red with pain
    As the blood runs down my leg
    It feels as if im breaking the chain

    There are days i sit on my bed wishing you were here
    Because im just not the same without you
    As the hours turn into days i feel the end is near

    I cant stand not having you
    You were everything to me
    But i cant blame you for what im putting myself through

    Its you whos slowy killing me
    but yet i dont toss the blame, i still love you
    i guess its my fault for holding on to the fact that we can still be
  2. necrodude

    necrodude Well-Known Member

    i like it. its dark, but nice too. well done
  3. triggs

    triggs Account Closed

    wow.. it's in an unusual form but i like it - it reveals a lot even though it's quite short :smile: brilliant xx
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    great poem :hug:
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