My first poem - Trigger? maybe? Just a warning =)

Discussion in 'Poet's Corner' started by Wormling, Mar 20, 2008.

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  1. Wormling

    Wormling Well-Known Member

    I am not really creative at all, and don't write for fun or anything. I also have not written poetry since my college creative writting classes several years back. With that said...

    Last night I could not sleep at all, and was feeling pretty bad. I was thinking of suicide again and imagining what it would be like and playing out scenarios in my head while I laid in bed trying desperately to sleep. But then I was imagining what the effects and consequences of my actions would be, and this popped in my head. I wrote it down, and worked on it some when I woke up today.

    So, for the poets here, let me know what you think, and possibly what I could do to maybe make it better?


    If the picture isn't very readable, here is the text:

    Under this shadow of a tree,
    lie the remnants of a young man,
    whose only fault was wanting to be free.

    Free to feel, free to be, free to do all he could imagine.

    Not trapped in the confines of flesh and bone,
    he is now unbound from human limitations.

    But now his actions shall reap what was sown,
    and plant seeds of sorrow in all his relations.

    Edit: I realise that this text isn't exactly the same, it's the original version. When I made the pic, I made a few improvements (i think =P).
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2008
  2. Lead Savior

    Lead Savior Well-Known Member

    I really liked that, great writing

    (saved the picture!)
  3. You gotta write some more (that was really well done)! It was really poignant and powerful - ironic, and sad - and covering so much in just a few lines...
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