My first & possibly last post...

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by midgekitty, Oct 17, 2013.

  1. midgekitty

    midgekitty New Member

    My life is in shambles! I don't know if I will be able to rebound from this fuck up. Im on probation, this is my 7th (yes, 7th) violation. Each time this happens I am mandated to go to jail indefinately. I may get kicked out of my drug treatment program or required to go back into residential. I am so sick of this shit that I been having suicide ideation a lot lately. I hate jail, yet I keep relapsing on drugs. Its total insanity. Right now, theres a bench warrant for my arrest & i have to turn myself in. I just cant get myself to go through this charade again. I don't know what to do...any words of encouragement or advise would be greatly appreciated
  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    My advice would be to steer clear of any form of drugs in order to minimise the risk of relapsing. Knowing that it gets you to a place where you do not wish to be (having 7 violations, mandated to go to jail, possibility of going back into residential or kicked off drug treatment program) - it is fully within your control whether you do take the drugs you have been or not. It may not feel like it, but unless someone forces you to take them, you do so off your own back, regardless of the reasons behind it.

    The question I ask of you is - how badly do you want to avoid this cycle you are in of getting caught, put on probation/mandated for jail? If you really want to break the cycle - you have to make a tough choice. Control your own actions and prevent yourself from taking the drugs.
  3. midgekitty

    midgekitty New Member

    i been an addict close to 20 yrs. The sick part is that doing drugs gives me a reason to live. Oops, that's the gorilla on my back talking outta turn. I want to at least stay sober long enough to complete probation. I hate being me. This whole situation is bummin my trip anyway. Unable to really enjoy my high like before. So yes, your advice would be wise to follow. Thanks
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry you are struggling so with your addictions i hope you can stay on the path of recovery ok turn yourself in it will make your life easier in the long run You can beat the addiction it can be done i have seen people struggle for years as you have and then just had enough and they cleaned up and stay clean. You can do it ok just keep telling yourself that you have had enough of the darkness you are getting help use it ok don't lose your chance at getting well
  5. midgekitty

    midgekitty New Member

    Your words have lifted my broken spirit...Im on my way to p.o.'s office for my arrest. Im super late