My first post .......

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by aloneinhouston, Apr 27, 2007.

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  1. aloneinhouston

    aloneinhouston New Member

    I don't know why I'm posting here honestly, except that I think I need some help before I do something insanely stupid.

    My situation may not seem as bad as some, but it's enough where for the first time in my life thoughts of suicide are taking over my waking hours. About 7 months ago, I got married to a beautiful woman who was 14 years younger than me. She was and is everything to me. I gave her everything that I have - all my time, attention and money. I bought her a house, a car, and generally helped her turn her life around 180 degrees.

    On Monday of this week, she came to me - said she was "bored", "tired of suburbia" and left. I've had no contact with her since. I live in our house, alone with all the momentos of our life together. I'm certain that she's not coming back as this is her pattern - pick up and move on every couple of years. She's never had any security and stability until now and I guess she doesn't need it or appreciate it.

    Where does that leave me? Simply put, I'm tired and broken down - mentally, emotionally and physically. I'm 35 years old and I don't want to start over again. I sat there with a gun in my hand for two hours last night willing myself to pull the trigger. Tonight, I'll go home and probably do the same.

    I'm not looking for anyone's sympathy - just a place to make my feelings known. If you have something that you'd like to say or maybe you've been in the same place, I could use your perspective.
     
  2. LaLaLullaby

    LaLaLullaby Well-Known Member

    That sucks.
    In terms of the gun, maybe you can put it somewhere else farther away for awhile...Anything you can think of?

    Welcome to SF by the way.
     
  3. corral

    corral Guest

    hi, im very sorry to hear about your situation, its horrible to be left by your partner if you love them. does she love you? i think she is still young and wants to experience more and sounds like with you she got everyting easy and it might has bored her. i can only say that if she truely loved you she wouldnt leave or will come back. if not then she is not the right for you.
    i hope you can put the gun away and feel better cause there is some girl that is looking forward to meet you and fall in love with you
     
  4. aloneinhouston

    aloneinhouston New Member

    Talked to her this morning .... briefly .... only made things worse. I don't want live anymore, but do I have the courage to end it? I honestly don't know. I wish that I knew what to do.
     
  5. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Sometimes i feel as if a separation from someone you truly love is almost harder to accept than losing them to death. With death, you know they are gone. With a split, there is never closure. They are still around. You may run into them just about anywhere. Sometimes you see them with other partners. All this brings back past memories and feelings of failure to a certain extent. I cannot tell you what to do other than I don't belive she is worth taking your life over. Maybe you can do just the opposite of what she is expecting. Go out and enjoy life. She will see what she gave up. Please take care hun. :hug:
     
  6. Tired and alone

    Tired and alone Well-Known Member

    It seems to be set in stone somewhere that the people you love will end up hurting you. Please, hang in there...you are only 35 years old and have so much life left and love to give. How I wish I could be 35 again so that I could make different choices than what I did. You must have compassion and the ability to love deeply or this would not upset you so much and you must believe that there is a girl out there that you are meant to be with, one who will appreciate you. Yes, the next few months will be very hard for you and I can only say that many of us here will be praying for you.
     
  7. aloneinhouston

    aloneinhouston New Member

    Talked to her today ..... very, very brutal. Like talking to a complete stranger - it almost seems like someone else is manipulating her or putting words in her mouth. She's gone back to the world that she had before me which was total crap, but I don't have any control of that anymore.

    The suicidal thoughts are leaving me slowly .... now it's more hurt and anger than anything.
     
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