my first post

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by umuk, Sep 11, 2006.

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  1. umuk

    umuk Member

    hi all my name is mark,

    i have been a self harmer for many years, first started probably ten years ago with burns then moved to cutting,

    i was abused as a child & have no communication apart from with sisters funily enough when then want something like money,

    i have had a hard time of late with snorting cocaine, i got over this last year after spending 2 whole years on it and spending thousands of pounds,

    i lost my wife and kids at the time but soon fount a new girlfriend who i actually spent most of school timewith in the same class,

    problem is i have fallen again into the cocaine habit and i am at the end of my tether with it,

    i owe nearly 3 grand at present and have no way out this time, i can only think suicide, i have tried oding, cutting whee i lost just over 3 pints of blood but this time im going for good ive had enough,

    i just wanted to share this with anyone who is reading to let them know that drugs whichever should be left alone, end of,

    they ruin lifes not only yours but all around you,

    i have no way out from this situation but anyone reading does by way of never getting involded,

    please dont go down my road, please...
  2. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    Hi mark, and welcome to the forums, i hope you will stick around with us here.

    I admire you very much for what you just posted, and it shows that you have a kind heart to warm other people, thur the mistakes you feel you made, and i wanna thank you for the warning you just posted for other people.

    I really hope that you can reconsider the suicide option as said before 'suicide is a permanent soloutin to a temporary problem' suicide is not the answer, but i do hope you will stay safe and stick around with us here so we can all get to know you and give you some support

    vikki x
  3. umuk

    umuk Member

    thanks for the reply, the problem is i have never really thought much of life anyway,

    my girlfriend was raped at 13 she is also a self harmer cus of this and suffers bad with deppression,

    this on its own weighes heavey on me although i love her so i do what i can to comfort her in every way i can,

    i ave tried so many times to end my life through cutting, oding, drugs, i even jumped into the river trent from a bridge twice and some nutcase swam in and rescued me i was unconcious when i got out of both occasions but revived which hacked me off,

    i just feel my girlfriend would be better off without me, she wants a baby how the hell can i allow that when all my money and more is spent on drugs, what kind of life can i offer her and a baby when i cant even look after myself,.

    there is no other option imo, i have failed so many times in life i have nothing left anymore,
  4. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    the best way to comfort you girlfriend would be to be there for her, and killing yourself isn't gonna comfort her in the way you want, she loves you and im sure you love her, imagine if you did go thru it how much it would upset her. Im sure if you did succeed it will send her into deep depression once again. and i cant tell that you care about her alot and wouldn't wanna put her thru that pain, please reconsider for her.

    have you tried any rehab programes?
  5. umuk

    umuk Member

    the last time i was on cocaine i treid to look for one everywhere there is not any, ,

    the problem is i either kill myself or get killed. id prefer to kill myself and bring no danger to the house or her, its just easier this way,

    these people dont do iou, i wish they did, i have got my self into this mess and at present i know only one way out which will protect us all,

    i appreciate what you do here but my mind is pretty much made up, ill try again later, if i dont succeed ill try again soon after ill get there in the end,

    thanks again for your help, and kind words, i just wanted to highlite the dangers of drugs etc to your reader ( members ) thats all, thanks,
  6. umuk

    umuk Member

    ok, i have tried in the past with anti e,s but always made me sick, i have <mod edit: Robin - Methods>

    has anyone else tried with these? i have just read these are best option,

    sorty if this is not alowed
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 11, 2006
  7. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hun, no one here will encourage you or give methods, but i seriously would advise you to think about what your doing to yourself and the others around you, please reconsider
  8. umuk

    umuk Member

    i appreciate that, i have just had 6 to start i will update if and when able, :sad:
  9. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    hun, PLEASE reconsider this, im begging you, this is not the answer

    'suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem'
  10. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    mark, if your reading this i found a website for ya its one like this but deals with drugs, and you can find support there about your drug addiction, please give it a try.
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