Ive never been a open person in my life so here and now im writing everything down perhaps some good will come of it and some might say well i could have it alot worse, no one knows how i feel or would care no one can help me either or atleast i think but i feel the need to share my story to someone...
Starting from age 12 i can honestly say i got beat up by my father every day well if i had 20 days not in a year id be pretty close
At age 15 my parents divorced, fought over custody for me and my lil but so much stronger brother, result was i had to go with dad bro stayed with mom
So the beating continued, during those years of abuse i got stronger long knowing one day would come...when it did he hit me again it did not hurt anymore respect or fear were gone revenge was all that was left,he got a good beating ran to the police
The next day he came with police and a counceler to the house
Suggesting id get into a program that would allow me to live alone independantly at age 16 after doing a 3month education didnt really have a choice... i went for it
As i still went to school i got like a free income of 550euro that i had to use to pay housing bills school everything i soon found out it was impossible so started looking for easy money cos i couldnt work i was going to school
i started selling illigal substences eventually got busted and there whent my education down the drain
when i came out of prison for minors i had nothing so guess what happend..yes i started again this time but no school i started to work in a restaurant, the next 3to 4 years were verry dangerous and violent.
one night 3 people broke into my house looking for money i guess and started beating me up i got beat up stamped on for more then one houre after that one pulled a knife two objected and whent...but he stayed and stabbed me.
call it luck or not i lived 250 meters from a hospital the next day i woke up and a dozen of my current friends were standing or sitting in my room with 2 police officers i said how? we followed the bloodtrail
i knew this life would get me killed and at that time i had desire to live and prosper.
So i left town never to come back and started a new life took some schooling got3 degrees now electrotechnician that i started in school and also butcher and chef-kok,last one is my real passion and i was darn good at it not 20 years old yet and 4 people under me i say what needs to be done when it needs to be done i spend the bosses money on goods transform it and make him so rich he cant stand but give me a raise cos hes never done better before...im telling you if its done with true passion u will ace it every day
i started to feel like something was wrong with me whent to doctors and specialists. It turned out i had two genetic muscles deseases tompsons and steinerd that were dorment but came active...as time passed they got worse and eventually i had to quit my passion cos of the long hours,so started to work in a butchery as butcher for 40u a week still 2k a month cant compare it to before but still nice
After 2 years i had to quit it this time not for the long hours but cos of my strenght the muscle desease started to affect my strenght, a half a pig is round 55k so 110 pounds and a half a cow comes in parts but the heaviest is round 100kg so 200 pounds
started to work in retail that i had to give up a year later, work was my life
now im sitting at home for a year now almost on disability takes a year here
As chefkok i had round 3.5k with bonusses
As butcher 2k
in retail 1.4k
now 1k
these days i have serious pain the moment i get up out of bed one global pain and then extreme pains from time to time in random parts of my body
countless times i whent to doctors begging for help but there is no help or atleast what ive been getting so far doesnt even releave me for 20% one time i had a med that accually killed it almost, it was called valtran unfortunately my muscles just ended up being paralized temporeraly, verry scary i can tell you
So i lost MY HEALTH with that MY WORK with that MY PASSION and MY INCOME that way i lost MY SOCIAL HABBITS and MY FRIENDS and most of all CHANCE TO GET A GOOD LIFE WITH A GF
Now i dont know what u think but no matter what anyone says TO ME
the most important thing in life is the quality of life itself ....and that is going downwards for me with no chance of getting better
The second most important thing in life to me is...
Dieing with the feeling " i had a overall seen good life"...and that aint the fact now but it can only get worse as i see it
so either i die young or i die old suffering for 30 more years.../cry its a hard choice to make and even harder when u choose not to live cos u need to find a way to end youre life that you can handle cos im a wimp when it comes to it
During the last 6 years im having suicide tendencies on and off till i realised theres no way i could ever kill myself...untill a few nights ago it came to me,stopped eating 4days far and seriously not planning to give up when i kill myself i wont be coming back like alot do.
i just cant handle this fysical pain with all the burdens i carry alrdy and cos of my desease
i got no one to talk to ,no shoulder to cry on or hug to take
Atleast ive been able to share my story to other so if youre reading this ty for taking an interest
Starting from age 12 i can honestly say i got beat up by my father every day well if i had 20 days not in a year id be pretty close
At age 15 my parents divorced, fought over custody for me and my lil but so much stronger brother, result was i had to go with dad bro stayed with mom
So the beating continued, during those years of abuse i got stronger long knowing one day would come...when it did he hit me again it did not hurt anymore respect or fear were gone revenge was all that was left,he got a good beating ran to the police
The next day he came with police and a counceler to the house
Suggesting id get into a program that would allow me to live alone independantly at age 16 after doing a 3month education didnt really have a choice... i went for it
As i still went to school i got like a free income of 550euro that i had to use to pay housing bills school everything i soon found out it was impossible so started looking for easy money cos i couldnt work i was going to school
i started selling illigal substences eventually got busted and there whent my education down the drain
when i came out of prison for minors i had nothing so guess what happend..yes i started again this time but no school i started to work in a restaurant, the next 3to 4 years were verry dangerous and violent.
one night 3 people broke into my house looking for money i guess and started beating me up i got beat up stamped on for more then one houre after that one pulled a knife two objected and whent...but he stayed and stabbed me.
call it luck or not i lived 250 meters from a hospital the next day i woke up and a dozen of my current friends were standing or sitting in my room with 2 police officers i said how? we followed the bloodtrail
i knew this life would get me killed and at that time i had desire to live and prosper.
So i left town never to come back and started a new life took some schooling got3 degrees now electrotechnician that i started in school and also butcher and chef-kok,last one is my real passion and i was darn good at it not 20 years old yet and 4 people under me i say what needs to be done when it needs to be done i spend the bosses money on goods transform it and make him so rich he cant stand but give me a raise cos hes never done better before...im telling you if its done with true passion u will ace it every day
i started to feel like something was wrong with me whent to doctors and specialists. It turned out i had two genetic muscles deseases tompsons and steinerd that were dorment but came active...as time passed they got worse and eventually i had to quit my passion cos of the long hours,so started to work in a butchery as butcher for 40u a week still 2k a month cant compare it to before but still nice
After 2 years i had to quit it this time not for the long hours but cos of my strenght the muscle desease started to affect my strenght, a half a pig is round 55k so 110 pounds and a half a cow comes in parts but the heaviest is round 100kg so 200 pounds
started to work in retail that i had to give up a year later, work was my life
now im sitting at home for a year now almost on disability takes a year here
As chefkok i had round 3.5k with bonusses
As butcher 2k
in retail 1.4k
now 1k
these days i have serious pain the moment i get up out of bed one global pain and then extreme pains from time to time in random parts of my body
countless times i whent to doctors begging for help but there is no help or atleast what ive been getting so far doesnt even releave me for 20% one time i had a med that accually killed it almost, it was called valtran unfortunately my muscles just ended up being paralized temporeraly, verry scary i can tell you
So i lost MY HEALTH with that MY WORK with that MY PASSION and MY INCOME that way i lost MY SOCIAL HABBITS and MY FRIENDS and most of all CHANCE TO GET A GOOD LIFE WITH A GF
Now i dont know what u think but no matter what anyone says TO ME
the most important thing in life is the quality of life itself ....and that is going downwards for me with no chance of getting better
The second most important thing in life to me is...
Dieing with the feeling " i had a overall seen good life"...and that aint the fact now but it can only get worse as i see it
so either i die young or i die old suffering for 30 more years.../cry its a hard choice to make and even harder when u choose not to live cos u need to find a way to end youre life that you can handle cos im a wimp when it comes to it
During the last 6 years im having suicide tendencies on and off till i realised theres no way i could ever kill myself...untill a few nights ago it came to me,stopped eating 4days far and seriously not planning to give up when i kill myself i wont be coming back like alot do.
i just cant handle this fysical pain with all the burdens i carry alrdy and cos of my desease
i got no one to talk to ,no shoulder to cry on or hug to take
Atleast ive been able to share my story to other so if youre reading this ty for taking an interest
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