I need to cut. It is so weird. Like, I want to purge myself of pain, but it is contained in my blood. So, the only way to purge is to let it out. I know how others see it. I really do. I know they see it as something painful and wrong. I don't feel the pain anymore. Only relief. I have been cutting for a long time now. 6 years. I have only recently been trying to find out why I did it my first time. It took a lot of prying, but I remember now. I remember the pain I was feeling, and the pleasure I got from getting it out. I was home, watching TV, while my parents were fighting. It wasn't a strange occurence so I ignored it. Next thing I know, it started to get to me. Words like divorce were being thrown around and I just couldn't take it anymore. I don't remember if I said anything, but I do remember running to the knife drawer in my kitchen and grabbing one then went to my room. I found the one with teeth. When I got to my room, I shut the door and sat in front of it for a second. When I heard that they were still going and didn't notice me, I found a really sensitive part of my ankle and started carving. Imagine how long it took to draw blood. I didn't stop until it was bleeding a lot. Enough to soak through my socks a couple of times. I was crying and carving. It became a blur. But, when I was done, I couldn't cry anymore. I didn't cry anymore. I just went back to the TV and kept ignoring them. That is always how it was with me. I would get to the point where I couldn't cope anymore then I would end the peak of emotion by hurting myself. It always worked. I guess I posted this because I wanted to relate to other first times. I want to hear your story.