My friend. And things that have been troubling me.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by dannyboy86, Dec 23, 2013.

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  1. dannyboy86

    dannyboy86 Active Member

    I lost a good friend from high school to suicide in 2010. I have not wanted to loose one again. Recently my friend (name not relevant) has been hospitalized on two suicide attempts. He is a drug user, and both have been while he was under the influence of drugs and alcohol. He was clean and sober for a long time, but one relapse screwed him up, BIG TIME.

    I was at his house and there were people there that wanted to check up on him for a wellness check. I let them in. He had a huge gash on his arm, and they said if it was 1/2 more to the left he would have died. This is the second time he has had a serious suicide attempt. And it is directly caused by his drug use. When he is sober, he is not suicidal at all. I have spent days with him trying to find things for him to live for. I love my friend.

    Well I let people in for a wellness check, and they deemed him unsafe and he got hauled off to a psychward. He is very upset for me letting people in to do a wellness check on him/then being hauled off to a psychward. I hope he will continue to be my friend.

    As far as my suicidal thoughts go, they are under check at the moment. My meds are finally helping and i feel like living again. But I still have thoughts of suicide and bad days. I have this fear of loss of control. My number one fear is not death, but it is Death by suicide/depression. People get sick in the mind just like cancer. As death is a symptom of having cancer, so is mental health problems. In cases where the depressive person died by suicide, I feel like many times it is no different than someone that has passed from Cancer.

    The difference is that a sudden, sometimes violent death rocks family and friends to the very core. With Cancer there is a period where the friends and family can mourn but accept the death of the loved ones. People who are bipolar, serious depressives, or schizophrenic there is NO warning. It is most always a sudden, violent death.

    I am very confused about what I should do. I look to God, but feel like his hand is no longer in my life. And this is not a complete failure on my part, as I pray and go to church every Sunday. Sometimes I grow extremely dispondent and wish for a way out of this dreadful existence.

    Happy Holidays.
  2. juicy

    juicy Well-Known Member

    God doesn't exist.
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    To some God does exist and if you have believed in God through your religon then i understand how you feel that you have been abandoned by him I am sorry you feel lost right now but you keep talking to us ok Your medication will help keep you stable but if you feel you are being drawn back under you talk to your doc ok who can and will help you hugs
  4. DarkLordVader

    DarkLordVader Well-Known Member

    there isnt any such thing as a god... i mean why do people force that trash down others throats? when has this "thing" done any good? dont tell me to read that retarded storybook known as the bible because its all lies and false propaganda...
  5. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    weather or not god exists is a personal matter. Each person can only decide for themselves. I think you did the right thing letting the wellness check people in. Perhaps your friend can get more help. If he was using then of course he is going to be angry with you for doing something to upset the apple cart of self destruction. But your friend if he was in his right mind ( free of drug abuse and clear thinking) would understand that you did the right thing. personally,

    I think that if we cannot find higher spirit in our lives it is because we unable to feel it. Rather than it not being there with you. But hey, thats my own personal opinion. I have no proof to substantiate it. The important thing is that you please contine to write here. And do get help if you find things are getting to be too much for you to handle. Please :hug:
  6. iwanttohelp

    iwanttohelp Well-Known Member

    Hi Daniel. You did the right thing by allowing the wellness check for your friend. You protected his life which is a very noble thing to do.

    I think what you should do is consider deeply why you think this is a dreadful existence. Then you should write about it, and even better, talk about it with a trusted professional. Get the hurt and pain out into the open. Don't stop expressing it until every last bit of negative emotion has been given a voice. That pain is trying to tell you something. Maybe its anger, maybe its regret. That is up to you to find out and let out. This suffering you are going through is a part of the human process of learning. Its not an indication of your failure, its a call to you for growth, change and effort. Loss of control is exactly where it is at. Breaking down and letting it all out in a safe way is what can bring you relief.

    The bible is just a story, just like science is really all just theories, yes. But remember that people here hate the idea of God because of the actions and hypocrisy of people. That is all valid and the resentment is understandable based on the actions of many Christians.. However my friend, God is just a human, flawed word for the incomprehensible. I am not a bible guy, but I know one thing. When Moses asked God his name... he answered "I Am Who I Am". He never once calls himself God in the bible, only people do that. The bible is just a sad corrupt human effort to express the inexpressible, that is true. The Buddhists call this inexpressible thing emptiness and that it is everywhere and permeates everything. It is the basic impulse and source of life and the reason you have the seed of hope in you to be posting here to seek support, and why people are here to respond to you out of love and kindness, why you care so deeply about your friend,. So go with that feeling Daniel.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 23, 2013
  7. dannyboy86

    dannyboy86 Active Member

    I truely and sincerely apprieciate the responses. These are very thoughtful and mean very much to me. I am a very sensitive, and loving, caring human being that keeps alot of what is going on in my life, to myself. And then when other people have problems and come to me for help, I do everything I can to help them, without complaint. I am going to write a further response about some things that are going on. I will not write about God anymore, as I understand this is a touchy subject. I just personally believe that there is a universal being out there that is in everything that we cannot as humans fully comprehend. I hope I did not offend.

    Love, Daniel
  8. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No you did not offend anyone and i am glad you will continue to post for support hugs
  9. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Daniel, your words did not offend me at all. I do agree with what you said. Your words in general, and your heart, graced my heart. Please try to keep that light and love. The world needs your good heart. And please know you can bring your pain, challenges and burdons here. It is okay to write about them all here. Any time you need. :hug:
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 29, 2013
  10. dannyboy86

    dannyboy86 Active Member

    To iwanttohelp--This is a very genuine, well thought out reply. I read it once and really got alot out of it, but I just read it again, and I really want to thank you for such thought out, caring advice. Daniel.
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