I lost a good friend from high school to suicide in 2010. I have not wanted to loose one again. Recently my friend (name not relevant) has been hospitalized on two suicide attempts. He is a drug user, and both have been while he was under the influence of drugs and alcohol. He was clean and sober for a long time, but one relapse screwed him up, BIG TIME. I was at his house and there were people there that wanted to check up on him for a wellness check. I let them in. He had a huge gash on his arm, and they said if it was 1/2 more to the left he would have died. This is the second time he has had a serious suicide attempt. And it is directly caused by his drug use. When he is sober, he is not suicidal at all. I have spent days with him trying to find things for him to live for. I love my friend. Well I let people in for a wellness check, and they deemed him unsafe and he got hauled off to a psychward. He is very upset for me letting people in to do a wellness check on him/then being hauled off to a psychward. I hope he will continue to be my friend. As far as my suicidal thoughts go, they are under check at the moment. My meds are finally helping and i feel like living again. But I still have thoughts of suicide and bad days. I have this fear of loss of control. My number one fear is not death, but it is Death by suicide/depression. People get sick in the mind just like cancer. As death is a symptom of having cancer, so is mental health problems. In cases where the depressive person died by suicide, I feel like many times it is no different than someone that has passed from Cancer. The difference is that a sudden, sometimes violent death rocks family and friends to the very core. With Cancer there is a period where the friends and family can mourn but accept the death of the loved ones. People who are bipolar, serious depressives, or schizophrenic there is NO warning. It is most always a sudden, violent death. I am very confused about what I should do. I look to God, but feel like his hand is no longer in my life. And this is not a complete failure on my part, as I pray and go to church every Sunday. Sometimes I grow extremely dispondent and wish for a way out of this dreadful existence. Happy Holidays. Daniel.