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My friend denied being abused

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#1
I was introduced to a great girl by my closest friend and he revealed to me that the girl confided in him that her boyfriend was abusive towards her. I did not confront her about it at the request of my friend but over the course of the next month her and I became very close and I could no longer stay quiet. When I brought it up to her I explained to her some of the abusive relationships that women in my family had been through as a way to let her know I wasn't judging her. She denied the abuse and denied saying anything like that to my friend. I am falling for this girl and told her I had to walk away, she said she understood. A week later she tried toexplain a miscommunication happened between her and my friend about her and bf getting beat up in a mosh pit, Iexplained to her I was aware of that but what my friend told me happened prior to that. I don't know what to do, I care deeply about this girl and don't want her to get hurt. If anyone has any ideas on how my friend and/or I could help her it would be greatly appreciated
 

Acy

Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense
Staff member
Safety & Support
#3
Hi, Drew. I think @Rockclimbinggirl has made the most practical suggestion - offering her some resources. Abused people often find it hard to admit/accept/believe that they are experiencing abuse - they sometimes try to cover it up in their own minds and others' minds with "it was only once," "s/he didn't mean to hurt me," "only happens if s/he is drunk/high," s/he promised it wouldn't happen again." Or they tell themselves it wasn't very serious. Or perhaps the abused person believes s/he deserved the abuse. If an abused person is not ready to move on from the relationship - for whatever reason - it's unlikely that anyone can force them to move on. However, if the person expresses a sense of hurt, anger, and/or confusion about the relationship, friends could say they are sorry the person is feeling hurt, uspet, confused..."Maybe you could talk to someone who deals with interpersonal issues and violence to get a sense of what you'd like to do. If you want, here are some names and numbers to call."

At least then, they have the info if/when they're ready to move on. Until then, being kind and supportive and treating a friend the "right" way is perhaps the best way to help him/her see that the partner is not treating them right.

I feel for you as you're caught in the middle. Your friend is lucky to have you there to care about her. Be safe, yourself, too! *hug*
 
#4
Thank you both for your input! We talked for a few more days after she reached out to me after a week of not talking, I felt like I needed to pull away again due to my feelings for her and her continued denial. Would either of you have any advice on if or how I should approach her with this? My friend who introduced us doesn't really seem to want to be involved anymore, should I try and convince him to bring it up to her?
 
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