She says she is depressive since her childhood. No goals in life, no hope, a few interests which don't mean much when things get real tough. I'm her only and close friend and it seems like I've prevented a few suicides already. It doesn't make me any happy though if she keeps struggling like that. I would even say that maybe she is better off dead if things are the same. She looks like a happy person when we are together and says that things would be much better if we lived somewhere near(We can't see each other often as we live in different countries), though she doesn't believe it would change her attitude towards life and herself. We have talked about things recently and I've convinced her she needs a treatment. She has been under treatment some years before already, as she says swallowing antidepressants made her feel nothing, which was even worse. Is there a cure? Is there a way I can truly help her, and not just keep preventing her from killing herself? I'm worried about her much and don't want to lose her, but not sure if ready to give everything as there are other priorities. I would be grateful to everyone who is willing to help me with their own experience. P.S. She has low self esteem, self-harm, feels depression and helplessness, has difficulties falling asleep, mental problems. And as I've said before, no hope on future. She also hates her female body and says she must have been born as a male. Despite of liking female bodies more than males in general. The last one is curious to me as I don't understand it, and she can't explain either. Are here people like this? And is there an explanation why it happens and how.