I have had this friend a little over three years. We've gotten closer in the past couple of years. I would say I'm the only friend she speaks with on a nearly daily basis. Her family is very religious, not understanding of depression and definitely not understanding of suicidal thoughts, so she has not told them any of these things as far as I'm aware. She is married, but her husband is overseas in the military right now. He is also not very understanding of depression. I've had depression and I think she feels I understand her more than some others in her life, so she confides in me. Recently, my friend has started to scare me. She was sick with the flu and in bed a lot. This made her change her normal routine and now, even though she is well from the flu, she is staying in more and in my opinion, falling deeper into depression. The flu just seemed to make the symptoms of her depression worse if that makes sense. And that's saying something because it was already bad. She recently told me that her husband would be better off without her because they are not getting along. She also told me that she doesn't understand why some people say suicide is "selfish" because she doesn't feel that way. She sees it as a burden being lifted off loved ones, sort of like the person committing suicide is doing others a favor by not being here. She has thought of suicide in the past and probably had suicidal ideations, but this seems like she is really thinking more about it. I told her to think of her family and what that would do to them. I said, please tell me if you are ever having serious thoughts of doing something to yourself because I want to help you. She gave me a half-hearted ok, but that did not make me feel any better about the situation. I am writing this because I woke up in the middle of the night last night in a panic for some reason. I couldn't go back to sleep. I started thinking, what if she does something to herself. I actually went to where I knew she'd be this morning and made sure her car was there, and it was, but apparently our conversation has scared me more than I initially thought. She is seriously depressed. She has major depression and it is not getting better. It's way worse. She knows she's depressed. She takes Xanax and another anti-depressant, and has for years. They've even switched her meds recently. They don't help for more than a couple hours after she takes them. That worries me, too. I fear she'll OD and not wake up one morning especially because of the Xanax. She is seeing a psychiatrist on Monday, not by choice, but that's another long story. I am hoping she will be helped by this, but it's a one time deal, so I'm not sure. I can't tell her family because I'm sure she would completely shut down and never speak to me again, and maybe not even speak to her family about it. It would make things way worse. And I don't want to email her husband in the Middle East. What do I do? Hope for the best? I fear there is a downward sprial in the works. I feel helpless to help her.