My heart goes out to you with the loss of your friend. I have been through similar situations myself. It is never easy to lose a friend, but losing one to suicide does bring many thoughts to our minds. One is the feeling of guilt. I want you to know that in no way are you responsible for your friends death. Once the decision has been made, rarely can you change their mind. It was his choice. No one can say why your friend didn't reach out to you for help, but he had his reasons. He may have been afraid to hurt you, or knew you would do whatever you could to stop him. I can tell you that the sadness, although it never completely goes away, does diminish over time. I still wonder what I could have done differently. What I could have said. Why I didn't know. So many questions and none can be answered. I have come to terms with knowing it was not my fault. I hope you are able to do the same. I am here if you need some one to talk with. PM me and I will get back with you as soon as I can. Take care of yourself. I will check back on you later. Take care. :hug: