My friends gone, and I want to follow.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by PureSilver, Oct 18, 2015.

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  1. PureSilver

    PureSilver New Member

    Over the last couple of years I've had depression, and after my first suicide attempt a friend opened up to me and revealed that he was going through the same things and together for 3+ years we struggled, talked and gone through this together. Our secret depressing friendship. In this previous month he succeeded in taking his own life. I just don't know what to do anymore. I hate this all more then anything, I want to end this. I don't want to be alone, and the part which i hate most is how fucking selfish he was. I hate him so much and i hate what he did, didn't he know that i was probably going to follow suit? the one person who i thought understood didn't even care about me in the end.

    I don't want to betray him though by following him, I'm just lonely without somebody to be able to tell how I'm feeling
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi and welcome,

    I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend. I hope and pray you will be okay! Are you seeing a therapist? If not I think you should get one and soon. See a doctor and get help for the grieving process. Being angry is all a part of it don't worry what you are feeling is terrible, you feel betrayed and that his act was selfish etc... all part of the grieving process. Make sure to take care of yourself, I remember losing my best friend in 2011 and it was hell. I remember things we did so vividly that sometimes it feels like she is still here. I wish you all the best and please engage in therapy, it will more than likely help you some!
     
  3. PureSilver

    PureSilver New Member

    I went to the doctors about the depression and they set me up to see one, i saw them 6 months ago and ive still got 4 months to wait till the appointment. I just keep alternating between feeling empty, angry sad and then a mix, Empty now. I'm just being told not to be selfish and that his family has it far worse, I haven't been to my college since and again I'm being selfish for this, i just feel like i have no place to turn to anymore, no-one can help.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You can turn here because here we understand. It's understandable that you are feeling sad, empty, hopeless, all part of the process. Are you sure you can't get an appointment sooner, tell them you need a sooner one? 4 months seems ridiculous. By all means ignore those who are putting you down and not seeing what is real here, the grieving and depression following the death of a close friend. It is still fresh so still fresh in the mind. I wish you all the best and if there is anything I can do to help please let me know. I am sorry you are suffering so much and if I could take that away from you I would! xox
     
  5. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    PureSilver, Man I am sorry, I can feel your pain, I have lost a few friends, I suffer from depression as well, I know what you are going through, I know it is really tough right now it is so much in your mind, you are hurting, no one to share those feelings with because he left you behind, it is really hard, He must have been in great pain, he must have been suffering like you are now! I am so sorry for both of you! I hurt with you and for you! I am here now in this forum to talk with you, not to make you forget but to help you get through this,
    I can't stop you if that is what you want but I will ask if you will spend a little time talking to me or the others here about what you are going through how you have coped since your friend has left you. I want you to know that you are safe here, the people in here care about you and what you are going through, we have almost all been through the same emotions and feelings that you are, we are not professionals, we do not report to anyone, we are a person just like you with the same hurts, issues and problems that you suffer with every day! We know what you are you are going through and dealing with right now! I too have attempted, Take some time and talk to us when you are able, say as little or as much as you want we are here to listen, talk and help if you want! no pressure no pushing, just you! at your own pace! We care! You can have some one here to share your pain with if that is what you want! No judging!
     
  6. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Like the others and I am in total agreement that you joined a wonderful forum where we help each other. I know you are hurting in many ways especially since a loss of a trusting friend. You hurt a lot at the moment but you are no longer alone. In life, certain events affect us in many ways but with care and right medical advice YOU can find inner peace. You need to have group therapy where you see others who also hurt on a day to day basis. The only ones who understand are the folk who going or experienced such an experience. You fight your feelings everyday but you can you survive them. Please keep posting here for the support you need in this time of your life.
     
  7. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    PureSilver, I would say Grieve at your own time an pace I would not be rushed by anyone or anything, you have to decide for yourself when you are done, I for one do not believe that you are selfish, you and your friend created a bond, you shared your deepest feelings which I am sure included pain as well some of those bonds can be deeper then just friendship, I feel for the loss that you have suffered.

    I would as well recommend that you try to get an earlier appointment this length of time is ridiculous, I never heard of such a time to see someone, it is ludicrous! I would tell them that you have to see someone sooner, it is your call but That is terrible!
    Please Take Care Of Yourself!
     
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