My fucked up excuse of a life

Discussion in 'After Effects' started by in peace, Oct 10, 2011.

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  1. in peace

    in peace Member

    I am through it, I am now plagued by nightmares of my attempts, now that my life is going on track, I am happy, my wonderful sister is finding happiness so I am happy and now my own life is working out....... I dont diserve this, not after giving myself up for dead so many times, how many times I cut, cried about my life or attempted to kill myself...... I dont diserve this wonderful life I have.... I dont know what to do, should I just fuck it up again...... its easy to do it but I dont want to... I can look at myself in the mirror again and not feel ashamed or sick to my stomach, now that things are working out I feel sick to my stomach thinking why the fuck do I diserve this after what I have done hell I am not even fucking sure why I am writing this or if swearing is against the rules or anything if it is I apologize but yeah well thats it.. my brother is still making my life a living hell I keep realizing nothing really has changed, my life is still the shitty one it used to be.... maybe its just because I think after all this maybe just maybe my sister can have some room in her heart for a fucked up soul like me hell the only reason I am alive right now is because she gave a fuck when no one else did and she still does, maybe for her if not anything else I should try put the peices of my life back together.... get some shitty glue and call it my life.... i am not a rich man but i have a rich life of tosa's and other idiots but in the end I have my sister and my mum well yeah im going now thats it ah bye
  2. VivaHate

    VivaHate Member

    <mod edit: *sparkle*: insulting> if your happy then be happy instead of looking for reasons not to be. Everyone makes mistakes. if the day came when I felt a Natural emotion, I'd get such a shock I'd probably jump In the ocean.

    laters x
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 10, 2011
  3. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Everybody deserves to be happy. You haven't done anything wrong so you're no different. You had a tough patch and you came through it, that's the greatest thing.
  4. Aimee_in_Wonderland

    Aimee_in_Wonderland Well-Known Member

    everyone has good and bad days months even years.. it doesnt mean you dont deserve to be happy.. everyone does.. you deserve to feel happy and move on with life... with the knowlage of knowing that you can deal with the crap life throws at you..

    take care x
  5. in peace

    in peace Member

    Yeah I... I wanted that to be the last time I was on this forum... but its not going to happen........ I have a weak will..... I am not even sure what to do.... I am cut not sure what way to go...
  6. in peace

    in peace Member

    I know I sound like a wimp a coward well, I am what I am..... I can fool others and put my mask back on... to be a normal 17 year old..... though anyone who knows me and what I have gone through can see that is, that a mask....... sorry im a stop talking now
  7. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I feel hypocritical for saying this, but you are not a wimp or coward. A wimp or coward is someone who hurts others but never faces his or her own issues or flaws. I believe other people have already said, but don't hold back what you want to say on here. You do have a voice and you do have the right to express how you feel here.
  8. mytime

    mytime Active Member

    Sounds great! Life isn't fair so when that work in your bennifit, just go with it. Why not us the sunshine to build skills that'll give you mroe resiliance next time you're dumped in the ocean during a storm! E.G. read something about CBT and/or ACT.
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