My gf is pregnant and won't abort

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by sacredspirit, Aug 29, 2015.

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  1. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    Please leave your personal opinions out on whether or not you agree with abortions.

    My GF is apparently pregnant. I won't know for sure until we go to the ER on Monday, but her piss test came up positive. She's on the depo shot and birth control, so I have no idea how this could have happened.

    She just got an abortion recently from her ex that accidentally knocked her up. She initially agreed that if we ever had an accident and got pregnant, she would do the same and abort it. She's now refusing to do anything and wants to raise it for adoption.

    For those who don't know me, I've been here a very long time. I've come from hell and back and have made tremendous progress in my life. I've basically been on my feet and have been pursuing a career and haven't been happier. I love the girl, but this is tearing me apart. I can't handle having a child of my own that I'll never get to meet or know. It's screwing me with mentally.

    I get that I'm partially to blame. I initially used protection, but she convinced me that it was virtually impossible to get pregnant with all the shots and birth control stuff she was on. I hate not using protection, but we eventually started going without it. We had 1 pregnancy scare a month ago, but it was false. We both agreed to start using protection, but somewhere along the lines that just didn't happen.

    I get that I'm responsible. I really don't want to hear how I am to blame, etc.

    Yes, I do understand it is HER choice on what to do with her body.

    What I want to know is... What do I do? I'm so upset!
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 29, 2015
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi hun, I think if she does not want an abortion you cannot force her. I am on the depo provera (most likely the same one she uses) the doctor said it's 99 percent effective. I'm sorry you are so upset. Can you not see an out of hours doctor to see that she is actually pregnant? Don't jump the gun until you know for sure. I wish you the best of luck and happiness :)
  3. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    I called a nurse hotline because she really doesn't have any other way to get help before then. They said it's entirely possible to still show being pregnant after an abortion. I haven't been able to tell my gf the news because after the really rough night last night she had she's finally sleeping. I hope she's still receptive to talk to me. We fought a little over text messages and I'm stuck at work for another 12 hours.
  4. Cariad_Bach

    Cariad_Bach Staff Alumni

    The likelihood that it's post-termination false-positive is very very low, considering that only lasts a short time and you said that last month she produced a negative test and it sounds like you've been together a while so the ex must have been at least few months ago....? Anyway, if she doesn't want to raise the child couldnt you take custody?
  5. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    I'm not stable enough to have custody of a child of my own. I'm not even old enough to be thinking about kids!

    I was reading that a false-positive can last up to 4 weeks after an abortion. She had the abortion in the last 2 weeks tops. I'm hoping that could be the reason why. It doesn't make any sense why the BC and depo shots were not effective when she has not missed any of her shot cycles.
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Okay, jumping the gun here...

    Miscarriages is more common than what you think if she is actually pregnant.

    The probability of her being actually pregnant and making it past 12 weeks might be very very slim.

    Let this be a lesson. Wrap it every freaking time.
  7. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    Why do you think the probability of her making it past 12 weeks is slim? She's actually carried her first child several years ago. I was not in her life at the time though.

    I'm just concerned that she had an abortion and then up to 2 weeks later I had unprotected sex with her. Her abortion was not the result of me having sex with her. That was from an ex-boyfriend. So, I know that doesn't belong to me. I'm hoping the positive results that were seen on the CLEAR pee stick was from residuals from the recent abortion and it's not actually from myself having unprotected sex with her.

    Yes, lesson learned!
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 29, 2015
  8. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I think people are struggling to advise because your posts are a little confusing with time lines - probably because you are upset. You wrote:

    "We had 1 pregnancy scare a month ago, but it was false. We both agreed to start using protection, but somewhere along the lines that just didn't happen."

    So a month ago she was not pregnant - false alarm - but then you say she had an abortion two weeks ago, so two weeks ago she was pregnant?

    Timelines aside, you need to take some deep breaths and hang on until you have confirmation from a doctor what the situation actually is. Then you can deal with it.

    In terms of whether or not she carries the baby I am afraid you really have no say on that. I do not know her so it is hard to say why she would change her mind suddenly to not be okay with termination - unless of course the termination she did have traumatised her and made her feel far worse than she thought or has communicated and she doesn't want to go through that again.

    I will say that if your gf is on the depo shot and got pregnant twice then there is something wrong there and I would absolutely not have sex with her without a condom - and I would also look to be going with her to see the doctor about it so you can set your mind at ease that what she is telling you is actually the truth. I only say this because my brother's gf was "on birth control" only wasn't at all - I would say never trust anyone else to provide birth control if you don't want a kid (and that includes providing your own condoms instead of using hers) sounds paranoid but when you're talking about 18 years of maintenance payments, a little paranoia is a good thing.

    In the end, she gets to do whatever she wants with her body - it sucks for guys but it is how it is. But at this stage you don't know for sure there is even a pregnancy to worry about. Just take one step at a time and try your best not to freak out. Good luck!
  9. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    Yes, I agree 100% with always wrapping and not taking someone else's word for it. I always wrap, but for some reason I just wanted to trust her. Which to be honest, has gotten me into problems.

    I was upset while writing this post, so forgive me if some of my statements seem to be out of place.

    I've known my gf for slightly over 1 month. I believe it was 3 weeks ago she was getting very sick and throwing up in the morning. We both wondered if she was pregnant so I got her a home test kit from a local Walmart. She didn't show me the results, but said they came back negative. She was lying because they came back positive from her ex that got her pregnant slightly before I met her. Obviously the baby wasn't mine. She just aborted that pregnancy roughly 2 weeks ago. Probably a little less. I was just informed about the time it took place. Since then, she took a test 24-48 hours ago and she came up pregnant. She and I are both wondering if this is a "new" pregnancy, or if it's just residuals from the abortion. Neither of us know. She's willing to get looked at by a doctor, but we're both scared on what to do.

    Thankfully she's talking to me again and hasn't gone numb yet. Which, she has been doing a lot lately.

    I hope that clarifies things!

    Thanks Freya!
  10. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    If your gf had a termination just under two weeks ago it is very possible that it is a post termination false positive. Particularly if she is in fact on the depo.

    I understand how much you want to trust her and that you have really strong feelings for her, but I would keep in mind that this is a woman who has already lied to you. only a month in, about something as major as being pregnant. You need to protect yourself, however tempting it is to get carried away by your feelings.

    Try not to worry too much and just wait until you can get proper results.
  11. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    Okay, I will do that.

    Thank you, Freya :).
  12. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    I guess my question would be why don't you think you would ever see the child or get to know him/her?
    My brother wound up in a similar situation many years ago. His doctor diagnosed his girlfriend with a 'tumor'. The 'tumor' is now 40 years old with 4 kids of her own. She, and her children, are the joys of my brother's life. Even though he never married the mother. Not that it has been a joy and fun. There have been some very difficult times, but I don't think he has any regrets about his girl friend carrying the child to therm.
    Wishing you the best.
  13. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    I personally can't handle being with my gf and seeing her go to term and then giving up the child to adoption. It would break my heart. I also hate to say it, but I don't think I could face my child after I knew I gave him/her up for adoption. I just would be really emotionally messed up. I've never encountered something like this in my life before so I don't know exactly how I'd feel. Hopefully this works itself out and I can learn something out of this.
  14. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Miscarriages is so common that it happens even before the woman know theyre pregnant. Look up the probability of a miscarriage up to 12 weeks. Past 3 month mark most couples would be more comfortable informing everyone theyre pregnant because the miscarriage chance goes way down.

    My question is why is that girl on the shot AND on the pill? makes no sense to me as one is used or another. I dont know of anyone personally doing both.
  15. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    To be completely honest, I've caught her in so many lies. I don't know what to believe now.
  16. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    Okay, I cleared up some details with her... She had the abortion roughly 3 weeks ago with her ex. Since then, she hasn't had her period with me. She refuses to get a blood test to confirm her pregnancy. She's been very emotional. She's drinking heavily, trying drugs, etc. I think there is a high possibility that a miscarriage will happen
  17. Butterfly

    Butterfly Resident SF Sims Enthusiast Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Sorry to be so blunt here, but did she even get an "abortion"? Is it possible that she never actually got one and is still pregnant? I think it's also BS the stories she's telling you about being on birth control. You are either on one form or not, not both. So highly doubt she is on both the depo shot AND another form. This woman appears to be incapable of telling the truth so I would tread very carefully. If you can't trust her a month into the relationship then it doesn't look good in the long term.
  18. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    I don't know. I think she did get an abortion because she mentions it to me often how that was so difficult for her and that her ex was an ******* for forcing her to do it. If she didn't do it, he wouldn't have paid for an apartment for her to stay in during the next 3 months.

    She's 3 weeks late on her period. She's ramping up the drinking and drugs too.
  19. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    I think you have some serious details to think out with this situation, all I am going to say is good luck. You have resources to educate yourself in this particular situation. We do not have all of the details you have now but take a deep breath. Let things flow into place. Sometimes clear answers come when time goes by. In the meanwhile waiting for the answer may be a torture but you can look up and put together the puzzles yourself, get out of the house do something like work out and keep yourself busy to distract you while you wait.
  20. sacredspirit

    sacredspirit Well-Known Member

    I'm trying the best that I can to stay centered and balanced.
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