My girlfriend cheated and I feel like dying.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sound, Jul 24, 2010.

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  1. Sound

    Sound New Member

    My girlfriend (let's call her R) and I are a very loving couple. We were best friends before we starting dating, so that deep connection is still there. I'm also a girl. We're both bisexual.

    After we became lovers, the title of "best friend" for R fell to a guy she met three years after me (let's call him C). He's a Catholic, but is tolerant and understanding of our relationship. I consider him to be my friend as well, though he is impossibly irritating. He suffers from depression and other mental and emotional problems, and is messed-up with medications. R is not stable, either.

    Well, a few days ago I got the guilt-racked C to confess with R's permission. Apparently they had somehow decided that C's problems could be held at bay. Sexually. She had been masturbating for him over the phone, and they had a plan to get a condom and have sex if things got bad. All behind my back.

    The other day, they tried to carry out their condom plan, but his mother was home, so they headed to the park. They didn't have sex there, but he touched her in ways that only I have. R swears it was consensual, whereas C says that it wasn't and that he forced her to do it.

    When I heard the news, I laughed. I don't know if it was because of the shock, or if I was just blocking out my emotions, or if I was trying to shrug it off so as not to cause C or R any more pain. But now it hurts. I keep acting like nothing happened and I don't care, but I can't get over it. It feels like she cares more about him than me. I already have major trust issues, so I expected something like this to happen someday, but this feels like too much.

    Now C is threatening self-mutilation, which makes R very worried. I wonder what would happen if I did the same.

    I posted all of that last part on Yahoo Answers, but nothing anyone said helped. They all told me to leave R, but I don't really have anyone else. She was the only person I really trusted, and I don't know who to turn to. C was the only other friend who's really talked to me all summer. And C and R don't even go to my school. My friends from school have pretty much forgotten about me, aside from an e-mail from one of them. And not one of them really knows anything about me.

    Last night I tried talking to my mother about it. She doesn't know about me and R, so I had to tell her like my story was that of some book character. She felt sorry for the character but was pretty much no help at all, though I know she means well. She's been dealing with her own problems lately, which makes me feel abandoned and like I have to support myself. She cried and I had to hold her and comfort her, even though I felt like crying myself.

    Me and R's anniversary is on the 28th. I see her the next day. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep the charade up. I feel like everything's fake and will all fall apart soon enough. The whole thing makes me sick. I've had emotional problems all my life, and I don't know if I can make it through this. I feel like I'll either come out dead or dead inside.

    How do I pick up the pieces?
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 24, 2010
  2. coffeekitten

    coffeekitten Active Member

    hey, i really understand where you're coming from. I've had the same thing happen to me, except it only was phone sex and he confessed before real sex, but to me it was still cheating and heartbreaking. I am still with this guy, as i decided i would forgive him. but i gotta tell you it's not easy but you get there, if you really wanna make it work.

    Everyone told me to leave him, but i didn't and i think i have made the right decision, because i think we have a big connection and i see the cheating as we weren't having sex then and our relationship was long distance for a long time and he was lonely. Don't let anyone make you feel stupid if you decide to go back to her though. It's your choice.

    anyway, enough about me. I guess you gotta ask your self how much she means to you, and if you're willing to forgive? It can take a while, but the trust does come back if you let it.

    All relationships are a risk, but i'd say give her one more chance but if she does it again, i'd say she's not willing to change.

    hope that helped a bit, pm me if you ever wanna talk :) xxx
  3. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Im very sorrry about the situation. I would just say that you have to bring things out in the open eventually. When you feel emotionally strong enough. Also you are obviously a valuable person and can find others to be involved with,so dont put all your self worth on the line for any one person. I am praying for you and know it can painful dealing with these things. We all need and want others but if we put those desires above our own self worth than we are always at the mercy of those others.Ive done this too.I think we have to try not to give people that much power. its not easy though. PLEASE NEVER HURT YOURSELF and KNOW that you are a valuable and important person. With or without others. We love you and want you here! PLEASE STAY!!!! Write it all out and we will be here for you with love and hope!!!!

    Write me if you like,

  4. Sound

    Sound New Member

    Thank you both so much. I'm feeling much stronger today.

    Cuttiekitten, I really needed to hear from someone who's gone through something similar. It lets me know that there's some way to make it without having to leave her.

    Marty482, I think I'll talk to her about it the next time I see her, let her know how I feel. If it seems like there's no hope, I'll remember what you said.
  5. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Im so happy you feel stronger. That will continue!!!! Love and hope and prayers to you!!!!
  6. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Maybe this thread should be moved to the sexual discussions forum? Would you and R be comfortable with having an open, bisexual relationship? Since you both clearly like guys as well as each other, maybe you both need men in your lives as well? Whatever works for you. Please don't harm yourself and I hope that they don't either. :hug:
  7. Sound

    Sound New Member

    No offense, Dave 48, but why do people think that because we're bisexual we need to have "a little of both?" Seriously, we want a loving, caring relationship as much as anyone else.
    Sorry if that isn't what you meant, but it sure sounded like it. Thank you for trying to give support, regardless. I know you probably mean well. :smile:
  8. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Sound,
    I'm glad you feel a little better..I think it is a good idea that you sit down and talk to her.. Let her know how much you love her and how it hurts that she did this.. Not in those words, you can word it a little more delicately..I hope you two can work thru this..Let your love for her guide you.. Take care!!
  9. .Dan

    .Dan Active Member

    Glad your still here. Im sorry for the pain your feeling because of your partner cheating. Trust me, just about all of us have been then there and survived it.

    It might hurt more in the long run to stay with her than break up now. But who knows. No one here can give you the absolute answer you seek because we don't know the exact situation. Alot of times cheating can be too hard to work through in a relationship. If you really want to stay with her you need to tell her exactly how you feel and then learn to forgive her for it. It'll take time. You need to figure out why she cheated and address that problem also.
  10. Avarice

    Avarice Well-Known Member

    I went through a slightly similar situation with my ex-boyfriend, except he had four other girls on the go not just one. I stayed with him for a further 18 months but in the end it was too much for me to deal with what he'd done and the mistrust I still had towards him and I broke it off. Maybe things will be different for you, but whatever you decide one thing is for sure: you need to talk to your girlfriend and hash this out. Obviously one of them is lying to you about the stuff that happened in the park, and if one of them is lying to you then there must be a reason for that.

    I'm really very sorry that you're going through this, I know how painful it can be. I hope you manage to sort things out and find a solution that suits the both of you. Nonetheless, happy anniversary for Wednesday!
  11. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I can understand that you have feelings for R, but you both are female, and I do not see it working out ever. I believe that there will always be a C in your lives because it is natural, and wanted. You can never fill in the place of C because you are not equipped for it physically or mentally. You would be better off finding a C of your own one day, because the truth of the matter is we are made for them. If you decide to continue this relationship with women you will suffer for it in many ways, and it can result in death as well. There is love for you out there, and it is pure. You just have to open your mind and soul to it first. Blessings..
  12. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    I'm finding it very hard to not comment on your ignorance, so all I will say is keep such judgments to yourself, the OP does not need it.
  13. Sapphire

    Sapphire Well-Known Member

    I don't have much time to reply right now but I will later on, ok? :thumbup:
  14. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Nicole. I normally agree with your advise, but how can two women having sex result in death? I've seen some girl-on-girl pornos before and it doesn't look deadly?
  15. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    If you decide to continue this relationship with women you will suffer for it in many ways, and it can result in death as well.

    Judgmental comments like that need to be kept out of posts. You have a right to your opinion (although I disagree with it completely), but you don't have the right to judge or criticize others for how they choose to live their lives.
  16. 1izombie

    1izombie Well-Known Member

    It seems genuinely like your a nice person at least with good intentions but saying what you just said is beyond cruel maybe you should just keep your mouth shut with your opinions on such matters as you clearly not helpful for saying bullshit like that. WOW is all i can say really...
  17. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    I think you have misunderstood my comment and I will gladly explain why I said it. For one this girl who is hurting is on a suicide forum. This means she is suicidal. Two her post says, "My girlfriend cheated and I feel like DYING." She already stated that her girlfriend cheated on her, and knowing how people who cheat usually do it again. So if she is suicidal, and she feels like dying by the behavior of dating a woman it is an easy assumption that if she continues in relationships with women who can and will potentially hurt her this way, she will suffer for it, and if she feels like dying or harming herself when they do it can lead to death as well. There are many other ways that dating women can hurt her. For one women can be vicious and vengeful. They are unstable when they are PMSing or just throwing a blank fit. I put blank because I try not to cuss ever. It is so nice to know people are so quick to judge me and my words and expect the worst from me, because I am religious. Thank you for that. Seeing I have and have had homosexual friends in my life, and have experimented as one myself, I do not see how anyone who doesn't know me or what I have been through think they are able to determine what I mean by my statements. I do apologize to OP if she thought I was meaning anything other than what I meant.
  18. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Again alot of assumption here. If you would look up the word pure maybe you would understand what I meant by pure love. Then again maybe not since you are so quick to throw in the hat of what you thought you knew about me, and assume I mean to be anything but what I am. WOW right back at ya.
  19. cult logic

    cult logic Staff Alumni

    And then:

    So it is okay for you to make an extreme assumption out of the OP's post, but it is oh so wrong and you're being sniped for being religious when it is done to you?

    Give me a break.
  20. Azmodius

    Azmodius Well-Known Member

    Back to the point anyhow:

    It's a difficult situation, I've been in a similar position before myself (perhaps I spend too much of my life making mistakes!).
    I think the instinctive reaction people have from outside the situation is to leave her. I might advise that sometimes. It is the easiest choice, but I don't know how you feel about 'R'.
    The problem I see is not even R (though she should, as an adult, be able to commit and not get involved in the games), the problem may well be 'C'. Perhaps if you clarified your feelings by talking to her, saying how uncomfortable you are about this and try and extricate C from your relationship, she may realise what she's risking. Being implicit helps sometimes.

    Also, for others posting, I am an atheist, bisexual and liberal. I have religious and non-religious friends. Shall we keep this as a genuine (non-judgemental) part of the forum, save the rest for soap box or others? This should be about the support, not controversy?!
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