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My girlfriend is in need of help, but I don't know what to do

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by djmob, Dec 18, 2011.

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  1. djmob

    djmob New Member

    I'm at my wits end. My girlfriend of a year has had a lot of trama during her life including sexual abuse (at an early age), a chronic illness and on top of the suffers from severe anxiety and depression. During better days she hides most of this very well from everyone, and can be one of the more personable, outgoing people I've ever met. Lately though she has had a number of set backs, including a loss of a job and problems in school which could potential lead to her being kicked out of school. During this time her anxiety and depression has also taken a severe toll on our relationship and I'm sure I've failed her in many ways... Lately she has often talked about suicide, but after talking with her family this is something she regularly does during her depressive episodes and as far as I know she have never attempted it. She has told me on a number of occasions that the only thing stopping her from proceeding is her cats (as she is afraid what will happen to them if she is gone). She has also lately stopped talking to her mother and has many days where she medicates herself into sleeping all day. The medicine is prescibed to her for pain and anxiety, and does seem to help her mode, but makes her sleepy and non-productive. She also complains of not having any friend or anyone she can talk to (including myself). She does see a psychologist and has an appointment soon, but I've never seen her so bad and I am very concerned. I've mentioned that maybe she should call a hotline just to talk with someone, but she is very resistent. I think she is afraid that they may try and forceable take her away for a pyschological evaulation or something and that that would someone come back and affect her reputation/school etc... (Sorry I don't know much about this). We recently want to a NAMI group counseling session which seemed to temporary help her, but now a few days later she is worse then ever... She has no immediate family nearby and refuses to receive calls from her mom and doesn't want anything to do with her brother.

    I don't know what to do. The relationship is also seriously effecting my mental state as well as I am also becoming depressed and very stressed. Ultimatly I don't think I can be in this relationship much longer, but I truly do care for her and don't want anything to happen. I know this is very selfish of me and I hate myself for this. I'm not writing this to talk about myself, but my life before her was already complicated, and now things seem to be spinning out of control.

    I'm hoping for some words of wisdom. I've literally sick on my stomach right now and have a massive headache after our last fight/conversation even though I don't want or try to argue. Nothing I'm doing is right and I'm always the bad guy somehow.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    If she is in danger you can o nly do one thing hun is get her help call the ambulance and get her admitted Or you can write a letter to her psychologist and let him or her know how bad a postion she is in and get psychologist to admitt her for the help she needs YOu need to look after your needs now hun take some time away from all the stress . Even if she does get angry at you too bad you rather her angry then gone right. She need help NOW hun so call her doctor her parents and get them to take her to hospital now or call crisis line and get ambulance to admitt her
  3. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    I am so sorry this is happening to her and you. Sounds like you feel like you are going down with a currently sinking ship. Are you in counselling? If not, can you get help for yourself? Sometimes we cannot force another human being to get help. But we can get help for ourselves. Can you talk to a counseller / therapist for your own self? If she is using rx medications that way then this sort of makes you a candidate for narc-anon. The folks there could help you. If she drinks a lot you could go to al-anon. Believe me when I say that these are potentially very helpful groups for you. If you find that you like them.

    As for your girlfriend, it is so difficult to force someone to get help. If you do feel like she is in danger of taking her life, perhaps, as Eclipse said, you could call or write her therapist, asap. Deliver a letter to his office, or call on Monday. All too often people hide this stuff from their therapist. She may need to be re-evaluated by a psychiatrist for different meds. And even possibly different dx. I do think it would be a good idea to call her mom. IF her mom is clear thinking and not destructive to her. Or maybe there is a different family member who is trustworthy and strong and could be called. Can you think of someone else?

    Right now though, you do need support and help. I think that is important for you. I am glad you are here. And I hope you can also get help irl. You do not have to be suicidal yourself to post here about your feelings and challenges. Smart guy that you found this place. Yes, get help for her. But get help for you too. Please.
  4. djmob

    djmob New Member

    Thanks for the responses. I did end up calling her mom last night, and the conversation with her also helped me as well as her mom is very aware of my girlfriends struggles and seemed to understand where I am coming from. Lately I don't have too many people to talk to myself, and was glad to be able to talk with someone. I've thought about seeing a psychologist, just to have someone to talk with. I think this may be a good idea.

    My girlfriend is better this morning (fortunately) and I'm going to try and get the name of her psychiatrist and write him an email. She has an appointment with him this week and I'm going to do my best that she make it.

    I've already decided I can't do this though any longer though, but I'm not also just going to walk away. It's difficult though to establish new boundaries and not start being the boyfriend again especially when she is hurting. I don't want to pile up more stuff on her now. If only I could just be an asshole and just walk away, my life would be so much easier...
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