My Girlfriend Left

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bak8976, May 29, 2010.

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  1. bak8976

    bak8976 Member

    After 5 years of happiness she left me, saying she needs to "work on yourself and her problems." She went on a trip and made out with another guy and has feelings for him apparently, but keeps telling me she doesn't want to enter a relationship with anybody right now. She was and still is the love of my life, I'm a very lonely guy and she was my best friend and love, who made me want to rise every morning just waiting to see her. I sacrificed a lot for her, I gave up some of my interests early in our relationship because I wanted to make it work and she has followed her passions and is moving on. She keeps telling me that I need to get out in the world and meet new people, other girls and flirt and have fun, but all I tell her is that I only want her. All I do now is wake up, go to work and think about killing myself for 8 straight hours, then I come home curl up in bed and cry. I barely eat, I have no energy or desires to do anything anymore accept die. But, I'm conflicted about killing myself because I know it would hurt her, she would be guilt ridden for the rest of her life and be in pain, and I couldn't cause her pain. I'm seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist and have been put on medication, for my depression and frequent panic attacks, but all I do is stare at the meds, (effexor, lorazpam and ambiem) and just want to overdose and die. I can't bare the thought of her with anybody else, but I also can't bare the thought of hurting her by killing myself. I have worked the rationale in my head about my suicide, I want to quit life, you can quit anything else in the world, why is it wrong to want to quit life? I am not happy and loathe the thought of moving on, so why can't I end it and be out of pain? I want to win her back somehow, but I now it is a futile effort, so I see no reason to go on. I have no friends in the world (I'm not being facetious I really have very little contact with anybody) and I have not imperative to live. I pray she will come back and realize her mistake, I did anything and everything to try and please her and keep her happy, but it was not enough. I can't take the pain anymore.
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm so sorry for what you're going through. :hug: I know there isn't much I can say that will help the pain, but I hope you'll keep posting here. It's a good place to make friends, and friendship or contact with other people might help you right now.
  3. bak8976

    bak8976 Member

    Thank you for the kind words, I just feel I have nothing left in the world. My family loves and supports me, but without her it feels as though I'm empty. The worst is that she left me over the summer, at least if she did it when we we in school, I could bury my thoughts in whatever I had to do that semester. Now though I have all day and night to recollect on everything, all I think about is every second that I didn't spend with her and how much I miss her. I just can't get it out of my head and it's ripping me up inside. I just feel like I don't have the will to live anymore, and I want to hold her and tell her " I love you" one more time, but I may never have that chance again. I just don't want to deal with that and I want to make myself feel better and the only way I can contemplate that is by killing myself.
  4. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for your breakup but you don't need to kill yourself over it....
    I know you won't believe it but you can get throught the grief and come out the other side and enjoy your life again..maybe with the right girl next time....
    you have a loving family to stay for...
    I've been through 2 major relationship breakups and I know how it hurts but given time you can get through it....unfortunately it doesn't happen overnight...
    i hope you'll keep posting and letting us support you...take care
  5. bak8976

    bak8976 Member

    Thank you for the support, I actually just talked to her, its painful because she is gone, but she begged me not to kill myself because I still matter to her. I'm just so confused, I don't want another girl to take her place, because to me she was special and perfect, but it is just so damn painful. It was nice to hear though that she still cares eventhough she left, it actually took some of the pain away.
  6. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Be thankful you've got the ABILITY to have a girlfriend because I don't. It could be worse for you. You could have Asperger's Syndrome, a disease which makes having a terminal illness seem like a comforting thought at times. Having a girlfriend is better than spending the rest your life going number three and wishing you could do what other people can.
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