My girlfriend wants to do it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Chief Setset, May 24, 2015.

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  1. Chief Setset

    Chief Setset New Member

    Fair trigger warning: <mod edit - methods> mental hospital, suicide, self-harm


    My girlfriend and I are 20 and 19 respectively, we are both in college and have been dating for almost 4 years. She has her cons but plenty of pros. She's the love of my life. But she's struggling.

    In middle school she started to become depressed. Her stepmom was never the greatest parental figure and her dad, who she thinks is the coolest (and I do too), is gone half the year because he works offshore.

    That I know of, she has attempted twice. Once in early high school by <mod edit - method>, and one Junior year by <mod edit - method>. She wanted to <mod edit 0 method> But halfway through it she thought of me and stopped. I'm deathly afraid she's going to try again.

    After high school everything crashed for her. She didn't see me much over the summer, and grew more and more depressed, and wasn't sleeping well, and toward the end of the summer, right after school started, she told her stepmom she was going to <mod edit - methods>. Her dad was offshore at the time and heard about it so he came home temporarily. I didn't want them to but they took her to a local mental hospital and checked her in. I believe she was there for 4 days or so. I took off work and went with her stepmom to pick her up. She was happy as could be; I'd never seen her so cheerful. They prescribed her 2 medications for her conditions: one for her depression and one for insomnia. They helped. But the depression meds were a mood stabilizer, so she wasn't sad, but she usually wasn't happy either.

    Anyway, things started to pick up for her. Even though she had to skip the first semester of college she started to grow happier. She got a job with me. But at the start of this year things went downhill again. She lost the job and grew greatly bitter toward my bosses, and she wishes I didn't work there. Her mom's growing mean. Her little brother, and her stepmom's only biological child, is spoiled and punky and yells at her, even though he knows what's going on.

    She is ready to try again. I text her as much as I possibly can but she mostly responds with "?", "K", "Nothing", and short answers in general. She sounds like she's going to <mod edit - methods> next time.

    I can't lose her.

    I don't know what to say or how to help. I only know what not to do.

    What do I do?
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forum. You seem like a great boyfriend to her, she is very lucky to have you. She has sure been through a lot and you're great for staying by her side. Keep her talking to you openly and let her know you are always there for her. If you think she's at a risk of suicide then maybe talk to her mom about it and encourage her to seek professional help asap. Encourage her to talk, talking helps a lot when in that frame of mind. Good luck to you and her. x
  3. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure I should be giving advice on this, so take anything I say with a pinch of salt.

    I'd say the best thing to do would be to talk to her in person as much as possible, rather than texting (but text her back if she writes something!). Tell her that you don't think any less of her for having these problems and that you'll always be there for her no matter how long it takes her to get better. Tell her she can talk to you about anything that bothers her and never dismiss anything she shares with you. Try to get her to do the things that make her happy, if you know what they are. The lethargy and sadness might be preventing her from doing anything to feel better, so you might need to intervene and remind her of why life is worth living. Just be careful not to push her to do anything she's not enjoying.

    Also, good on you for trying to help and seeking advice on how to do so! It's so common for people to ignore the needs of their depressed "loved ones". Your girlfriend is lucky to have you. If she's as supportive of you, you're bound to have a great relationship.
  4. Chief Setset

    Chief Setset New Member

    Thank you all for the advice.

    We spent a day together yesterday and talked about the possibility of moving in together and hopefully getting her away from her stepmom; that's turning out to be a major source of her stress.

    But anyway, now she feels a lot better. Thank you guys.
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am really glad she is feeling much better now and hope it lasts!! Good luck, the two of you and always come back if you need to :)
  6. Leolsrik

    Leolsrik Well-Known Member

    That's great to hear!

    I actually just came back to this thread to suggest trying to get her out of the stepmom's house if that's a significant cause of the depression. Glad to see you're making progress on that already.
  7. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. It's great to hear that you are supporting her but remember she will have her down days. Supporting and caring for her will give her security and reassurance. I am just being realistic when you plan to move in together. The important thing to remember is YOU BOTH SUPPORT AND CARE for each other especially when you are together.

    You have to realistic can you afford to live together as the daily worries of staying independant can causes extra stress. I am not trying to put a downer on your suggestion. You are a young couple but please tread carefully. Take care and be safe both of you.
  8. Chief Setset

    Chief Setset New Member

    I have a decent paying job in IT but it's still not quite enough to live in an apartment together when she doesn't have a job. She's looking for one and I help her when I can, though I'm not much good at job hunting.

    My dad and I are finishing a new house and we'll have a spare room so I'm hoping to convince him to let her move in with me until we can get our own place.

    Thank you guys for the support; I was running out of things to say to her. You helped us both.
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Would it be a good idea for her to come here and talk to us? We might be able to help and support her. I'm glad we as a site have been able to assist you :hugs:
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