My girlfriend's abusive father is making her join the navy

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Lyse, Feb 19, 2009.

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  1. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    My girlfriend's abusive father is making her join the navy. How do you stop it?

    My girlfriend's abusive father brought home a recruiter for the navy and made her agree to join after she was scared of what he might do to her, afterwards, if she wouldn't. She's 17, lives in Illinois in the US, I live in another country, but I have managed to see to that she can move to a friend of hers, so her father won't succeed with this by taking her to do the final tests and such. I know that if you agree to join, but then refuse to, you end up in prison, but she only did a pre-test when the recruiter came to the home, so can she still back out? Or are our lives over and it's time to just off ourselves? After all the happiness we have waited for, could it be the end, now? But if she can back out, how would she do this?

    Thanks in advance... please do not focus on replying to the talk about suicide. Please only help with how to make her back out of this.
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2009
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    ...i don't know the rules/regs or laws on this. but. i think if she talked privately to the recruiter, and said that she came under duress and fear of abuse, they would excuse her from '''registration''' you should be able to call a recruitment center and ask, or find some gov. online rules re recruitment. . good look . ..
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Duress will certainly excuse her. No contract entered into in duress has EVER been enforceable. Period. Talk to the recruiter privately. If that fails, talk to his superior.
  4. xan

    xan Chat Buddy

    Agree to join requires your consent. If you are basically forced to join by fear of being abused then you didn't give you true consent, so she should be ok if she explains the situation.
  5. Hotwaffles

    Hotwaffles Member

    You only get in trouble if you are in the middle of basic training and go AWOL (Absent Without Leave). You can go to MEPS, take your physicals, blood tests, all that, but as soon as you get on the bus to take you to the airport to send you to basic, you can no longer turn back without getting a discharge. She can just contact the recruiter and say she doesn't want to go anymore, it's that simple, she probably won't have to explain the situation. The recruiter may lie to her and tell her she'll get in trouble for not following through with it, this is a lie to get more numbers in the military. Believe me, I've been through this and know all about it, but I had to go with the discharge instead of just leaving before it was too late.
  6. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    It's been along time since I got out of the Marines but if memory serves me right, if she hasn't been sworn in and hasn't signed the final paperwork she should not have any problem backing out. I agree you should talk to a recruiter and find out for sure.. Never bad to have as much info as you can just in case...
  7. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    The fact that she is only 17 is in her favor as well. As a minor she cannot legally sign and be held into a contract. She can say she changed her mind this early in the game. Would the navy actually be that bad for her? It would remove her from the abusive situation she is now in. Just a thought.
  8. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    They only sign up for four years, minimum, while I could come and get her shortly after she'd turn eighteen. She's going to make the follow-up tests, today. She wants to go to the navy to please her father, in a hope that he will like her. She's breaking up with me. She's choosing to please her madly abusive father before our relationship. She loves me deeply and I her but pleasing her father is apparently more important than us being happy. She wants to be miserable and her father has ruined her free will. The worst is that if I had come there a few months ago, this would never have happened. Due to me not acting more for us to get together, this happened. The craziest of it all is that in the beginning of April last year, I was feeling my very worst so I prayed for what I knew would have been the last time of my life for everything to work out, which would mean finding my true love, and like two days later she contacted me on this forum, telling me I was intriguing. We quickly realized we were perfect for each other. We quickly decided we would marry. Everything has basically been perfect until Wednesday last week. Her evil father and a sickening recruiter twists her mind so bad that she starts working towards ending our relationship at once. That was all it took. This is not what I prayed for. I didn't pray for being crushed even further. It seems that prayers may in fact work, but they may turn the other way around and make the opposite happen, for whatever reason that could be. Pure insanity. It worked but then this happened. This means the end of my life. I'm going to the hairdresser, tomorrow... afterwards I shall go check out a bridge and at least feel how it feels standing there. I probably won't do it in a long time, still, though... but I have no choice but to do it at one point, hopefully very soon. Both of us know that we're each other's true loves; we'll meet again in our next lives and we'll be happy, then. Maybe someone could help me with methods? I want painless.
    Last edited: Feb 26, 2009
  9. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    Yay, it's officially over, now. :sad: I confirmed her breakup by saying I don't love her, anymore, blah blah, etc. How could I love her after what she's done and after how she's been treating me? It was never meant to be. The prayer "helped" me to meet her but I don't know, demons must have been listening. Fuck prayers. I'm never praying again. Maybe I will find someone better than her, after all... she really was great but in the end she wasn't good enough.
  10. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    'lyse'....i am so sorry about this. can you pm me and talk when you get back on? i am going out for awhile today- no clue as to our time zone difference, i am on the east coast of canada atm ... but i will check my messages as soon as i return

    you are very hurt and upset and i am so sorry for what you're feeling. it's hell, and i know it. but you are doing good by reaching out - keep trying - and lean on all of us here - we'll be here for you.

    please don't think about going. stay here with to us.... :console:
  11. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    This is something she needs to go to the police about... if she already agreed to it I don't know what she can do. I'm no lawyer. But it's obviously abuse and she doesn't deserve to take it, and she's best off telling someone before it's too late.
  12. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    She's convinced herself she wants to go so that won't happen. She dumped her "true love" to please her madly abusive father. She's officially lost her mind and it's all over. Yayayayay I'm so fucking happy. Oh right, somehow she expected me to encourage her about joining the navy is what she said today. I'm out of words, it's so fucking crazy.
  13. Rosenrot

    Rosenrot Forum Buddy

    What say does her mother have in any of this?
  14. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    When she was little, her mother used to hold her while her father beat her, and she always does what her beloved - unfaithful, might I add - husband says, so I think she just says that she wholeheartedly agrees with him.
  15. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    That was a lie. :sad: I realize now that I still love her. :sad: Maybe it will go away.... it has to. It's too much to handle. :sad:
  16. Lyse

    Lyse Guest

    After sleeping a bit, I realize that I indeed have fallen out of love with her. After what she's done, how could I love her. I'll probably still be confused about it, for a while, but at least I don't have to yearn for her, anymore.

    I won't take up any crisis forum space, anymore, now. My apologies to those who need it better than I do.
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