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My godfather, dead three days ago

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by Lost Disciple, Mar 12, 2007.

  1. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Three days ago, without any warning, my favorite uncle and godfather died. Just like that. Freak accident. He was a healthy, strong, 35 year-old trucker. They say it was a logging accident--he was helping to unload his truck and a strap broke. I'm not quite sure on the details, but they say he was dead on impact--instant. But don't they say that to everyone? 'They died quickly, there was no pain...' Don't they just tell you that to make you feel better?

    But here's the kicker--it doesn't make me feel better. It doesn't make me feel worse. Because I don't feel anything at all. No sadness, anger... well, I do have the incredible urge to stay up later at night, but that's it.
    Night always makes me feel anxious, restless, upset... so I guess that in a way, staying up later makes me feel bad, so the urge to stay up later makes me feel bad, so I do feel bad about him dying... but only a little.

    Is this normal? I mean, I was fairly close to the guy, and when I heard the news I just thought 'That sucks' and went on with my normal day. And I just keep going like nothing happened. All my cousins (be they his children or not) are all teary-eyed and upset. They all cried. They all stayed home today. But I still went to school, because I really don't care one way or the other.

    Except that I'm skipping school this afternoon--mostly, I think, because I want to feel, and I thought that skipping school would make me feel. But it doesn't.

    Is this normal?
  2. RainbowChaser

    RainbowChaser Well-Known Member

    It happens like that sometimes hunny. It may just hit you in a few days or weeks. It could be at the funeral or even after that.
  3. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Just got back from the wake.

    Didn't really help.

    It looked so fake, like someone carved plaster into his shape and painted it. It wasn't like I was seeing Uncle Corie for the last time, it was like I was seeing a fake image of him that someone had set up for a cruel prank.

    I don't know if I want it to hit me so I can cry or not.:unsure:
  4. blade

    blade Well-Known Member

    awww. its ok. yeah that does happen.
  5. beautifuloblivion

    beautifuloblivion Well-Known Member

    Sometimes it's hard to know how to react, or to react at all--especially if it was a sudden accident. The shock makes it hard for the reality to sink in. When I was in that sort of situation, the funeral seemed like the most unreal part of all...I was in such denial that everything seemed like it had to be fake. When the reality of it finally hit me, I sobbed for weeks. Maybe eventually it will hit you and you'll feel like crying, but maybe not. Everyone handles things differently, so there's no need to feel like you have to cry. You cared for your uncle and that's the important thing. Hope you're doing alright. :hug:
  6. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Still no tears, hardly any emotion of any sort. I'm probably just a freak that way or something.

    But whatever, right??

    I just wish I could feel it...
  7. Lonz

    Lonz Active Member

    My whole life, I've always been capable of coldness. Dad was an army vet and musta drilled it into me. Afterall, he used to shoot at people in the war, trying to kill them. So, it rubbed off, that capacity to turn one's emotions off. So, when my friend killed herself, I was surprised how I hurt. It was a platonic friendship, but I spent so much time with her, and she could be so cute, I felt like I'd lost my best buddy. I was surprised to learn suicide isn't just sadness, it's horror and obscenity all rolled in with the sadness.

    When my friend killed herself, I didn't much feel like sleeping. I've always been a night owl, but it got worse. I suspect I'm a night owl because of stress early in life resetting my clock. When she died , my blood pressure went up, too. I can see such events triggering heart attacks.

    Three months now and I still ain't right. Better, but suspect I'm scarred for life.

    By coincidence, an uncle of mine died the exact same way, maybe 20 years ago.

    Hang in there.

  8. Lonz

    Lonz Active Member

    Don't feel guilty. You just weren't that close, I suspect.

    Losing a child, or a parent (assuming you love them and they were not abusive), or someone of the opposite sex you're close to, is what REALLY triggers the emotions , I suspect.

    Be thankful you're not feeling more. Believe me.
  9. Nima

    Nima Well-Known Member

    My Condolences,
    I know how it feels I lost my Aunt of Pneumonia in Feb of 2006...But just let God lead you and everything will be fine
  10. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    I'm not sure if I believe in god...:hiding: