My grandma's "prolonged" dying :(

[Amber]

Hey all,

My grandma is 86 in a few days. Late December she got really sick and went to the hospital, we found out she had pneumonia and an aortic aneurysm. The Dr gave her 6 months to live. Until early March I took care of her, then hospice said we should do a respite for a week. She's STILL NOT BACK. They took her to a nursing home. Today I went to visit, with many things to give her like poetry, chocolate, a clock, sweaters.. Just anything to comfort her. I have been just sad for about a week about all of this. I mean It's bothered me since it first happened.. but I've been crying NON stop for a week. I stayed with her for an hour today.. I told her how much I appreciate all she has done for me and how much I love her. How much I'd love for her to be back home so I could take care of her. I know she wants to come home too, but they wont let her.. I don't know WHY exactly. Anyway, It's SO hard on me. I feel like she could be gone any day. She's in complete pain all the time, they give her morphine but I dont think it helps much. It breaks my heart. I don't want her to die, but at the same time I think I'm SO selfish for that. Because she hurts. I don't want her to hurt. I just wish there was something I could do.

This woman raised me when my mom left me, she taught me everything I know, I have always looked up to her and now.. when she needs it the most, I can't help her. I don't want her to die, I don't want to live a day without her on this earth. I'm just so scared

 

[Terry]

Awww hun, this post hits home to me as i've recently been thru exactly the same thing with me dad.
When he went into the hospice (the place was lovely and so were the staff) we too thought it was just for a week or so, but he never left :sad:
I can remember praying he'd die so the pain would go away (he had terminal cancer and the morphine didnt work).
Then when he did die I felt aghast that I could have wished it. :sad:
You've done the best thing you could have, you've told your nan you love her and want her home. If she passes now she will take those words with her :smile:
Hang in there, there are dark days ahead but it will get easier with time :hug:

 

[hornbeam]

Im sorry you are going through this Amber - I am sure your grandmother knows you visit and this must be a comfort.

It is so hard for us to watch those we love go through this - and a lot of us on here can relate to you -

Keep strong and my thoughts are with you and your grandma (((((hugs))))