my hate and contempt for this world is overwhelming

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Defiant1984, Oct 4, 2012.

  1. Defiant1984

    Defiant1984 New Member

    I don't even know where to start, I'm a multiple combat veteran 3 tours to Iraq 2004-2005, 2005-2006, 2007-2008

    and my most recent was to Afghanistan 2011-2012. I begged to go on this last combat tour, I wanted to go to Astan something fierce. unfortunately I was assigned to a horrible degrading unit, our leaders wer micro managing sociopathic control freaks who browbeat and intimidate subordinates, we hated our own senior leaders more than the Taliban....pretty messed up huh? I prayed that a Taliban IED would maim I could go home. my experiences in Iraq were tough, but positive, I had good leadership, good men. is last tour was terrible, 10 years of constant lies....lies form our leaders in DC and the worst getting promoted have created a nightmare for the kids over there.
    I came home in the spring. and have not been the temper is fierce, my patience views are extreme, my faith in god is gone....I've sold a lot of my possessions.....I've lost faith in materialism. I am dead, I am hate.

    I have a wife.........I'm not happy in marriage, she only stays because she has nothing without me...and knows it. I have a 3 year old son...........
    I walk around and see this fat happy clueless country, and I hate it....I hate the ignorance I hate the apathy. I almost want some cataclysm to everyone can my men and I did....that is so wrong I know.
    I considered taking myself out a couple times....but always fall short. everything I thought I was is gone.
    the drive that got me to a leadership position at 23....... I'm 28 now, is gone
    I have no goals no dreams."........I mearly....exist.
    I post stupid political rants on Facebook...........even though I'm just an ant......a cog in a giant wheel.
    I have no Idea what to do...I want out, out of my marriage......out of the military, out of it all, I want a new start.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Have you talked to someone a therapist of course your views would change after seeing so much devastation violence You need to get therapy get help ok You son hun needs you to heal You will not heal without therapy Talk to a doctor someone that can get you medical release maybe Do that for YOU ok talk to who ever it is you need to talk to and you get psychiatric help hugs You did you job a job that not many could do hun you did your tours enough talk to someone and get help hugs
  3. Defiant1984

    Defiant1984 New Member

    I've tried the therapy thing, I did it for a few months...and can't seem to stick with it. I just go back to being this grumpy depressed monster ......a guy that just sucks to be around....I'm never positive...constantly negative, always a pessimist, I've become anti social....weird I guess.

    I may try therapy again.........all I can thing of is getting out...I've been in 10 years and this is something I've done my whole adult life. I'm scared to take the plunge into uncertainty at the same time...I think if I walked from this life, I would save my life. I just don't know.