my head feels like its spinning.. all my thoughts and feelings are mixed into one big web or tangles.. lies decente.. im lying to myself.. they didnt want to help me. so this is my only other option finding myself at the bottom of a bottle of vodka.. it numbs the pain for a little while.. i dont remeber much of lastnight, sleeping pills and vodka... i must have passed out.. shame i woke up. these past few days have been unbareable. i dont want to fight anymore i want to die.. i want to be peacful i dont want to hurt anymore. im selfish, but i know i wont be hurting him or my family. they hate me. they made that clear. not worth their time right. same as those doctors and nurses. they never understood did they... they never opend their eyes and saw me.. they could have saved me.. too fu!king Late. I have met some of the most amazing people here that deserve the best in their lifes.. people who have sufferd for so long but are so strong.. im proud to say ive talked amoung these people.. i love all my friends ive made here... i wish you all the best.. this isnt a mistake, this is me fixing it.