My heart just broke for yet another time..

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Untouchable, Apr 5, 2011.

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  1. Untouchable

    Untouchable Well-Known Member

    Most of the time I mention how unlucky I've been in the field of love to someone, they just think I'm whining. I honestly try so hard to make myself believe that someone will come along, but with time, I lose that hope the same way I gain it...

    I've been hurt so many times by guys, and worse, by people I thought of as friends. I have nowhere else to talk about this, and I really need some help. I feel like I'm falling apart right now. So if you could please take a bit of time to read this, and maybe offer some advice, I would really appreaciate it, because, I really have nowhere else to talk about this...

    So, it started off as usual; I started really liking a guy. I met him through my now ex friend...She introduced me to him because he and his friend were looking for a girl who can do lead vocals, and since I've been into music and singing basically my whole life, I wanted to participate...He plays the guitar...So we met and got along pretty well..We found a lot in common..He even walked me home the other day..And there were some awkward moments where I was sure that something would actually happen..And generally he was flirty towards me..

    I never realized that about my 'friend' until recently..but...she's actually the kind that will willingly sleep with anyone just for the sake of it..I'm not like that at all..I want a real relationship..Not one based on sex..I want emotion and someone who will love me for myself...

    She knew I liked him..I hadn't told her straightforwardly, but she could tell, and she hinted it a lot of times to tease me...Today, a mutual friend called me, to tell me that she had learned that she spent the night over at his house...And that when she tried calling her, he answered the phone and told her she was in the shower...So I'm 100% they slept together...

    I can't believe this..I feel like I'm being treated like trash by everyone I meet..It's the second time a friend does something like this to me...The last time, it was on my birthday, and my other now ex friend started making out with the guy I had a crush on...

    I was feeling quite happy these days..I was happy I was going to be in a band...I was happy we were preparing a live show...I was so happy I had found someone I felt close to...I felt like for once, life was going to treat me in a less painful way..I've had enough bad luck throughout it, I've had enough of being treated like crap by my parents, by not having true friends, by having low self esteem and feeling suicidal and depressed all this time...I thought that it would all change somehow, to the better..but it never stays that way...Something, always, has to happen...

    Is it so bad, that I want to be loved by someone...? That I want to spend a day without having to shed tears...? I had stopped cutting..I was making progress..Now I'm at again...I feel like a piece of trash...Being tossed around, used when necessary, then thrown away...I want to be happy so bad, and I'm trying so hard to be happy, but life won't let me...I need to feel alive for once...

    I don't know what to do anymore...I'm so tired people, reall am...
     
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we love you here my good friend.
     
  3. Untouchable

    Untouchable Well-Known Member

    Thank you...But no one around me seems to do so..or care..
     
  4. chipper

    chipper Well-Known Member

    i gave up on romantic love a long time ago. it's not true.

    when people say "i'm in love with you", they just want to feel loved back.
     
  5. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    There are so many ppl here who care about you...please let more ppl get to know you so we can show how valuable you are...please PM me if I can be there for you...big hugs, J
     
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