My heart just can't take anymore.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by AnonymousA, May 25, 2015.

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  1. AnonymousA

    AnonymousA New Member

    All my life I have been a failure. I have been abused and used. I have used people because of it. I have lied and hurt the people closest to me, the worst of them all is my little sister. My mother kicked me out when I was 15 and told me to live with my father. I was supposed to be home schooled but my father is an entepenuer and never had the time to do it. 3 years I was made to feel like I don't matter, like I'll never be good for anything except for being used by men for money. I was told I'd be sent to foster care. Until finally I thought my mother loved me again and took me back in after I begged and pleaded, I managed to mess that up. I have a severe form of ADHD, I procrastinate and I am very impulsive so I never cleaned the house really and I was too afraid to go out and find a job...I could just feel people judgeing me, mocking me even before I met them. I'd lie and tell my mom that I was working on my GED and working on getting a job because I never wanted to leave her, I love her and my little sister so so much, I'd kill for them, I'd die for them. And then my mother had enough of me so she sent me to a place called Blackwell Job Corps and I was used and abused there. They kicked me out as well after 8 months of me being there. My mother took me in again and my heart was so happy, I was elated, I felt a sense of security when I was with them. I felt safe, my mother saved me from something back before so I just felt safe. Untill she and my sister broke my heart and made me feel like I wasn't worth anything at all. That hurt, so bad I felt as if my heart was being torn out from whatever those last parts of it were holding onto. I went to live with my dad again and here I am 19 and still hearing the exact same things almost every week. I feel broken and numb like I am just dreaming...like I'll wake up and be successful and that I'll wake up and everyone will love me...I just want to feel it...I want to feel it once. But I don't think I can. This life of mine keeps taking everything from me, my father once told me that God has cursed me. Is that true? Have I really been cursed to feel pain as I do? I have so much love inside of me but it feels like I can only feel it from heaven. Please help me, please, My heart is so broken, I am broken. Please help me.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You just want to be loved unconditionally Ask your father to take you to the doctors and get some treatment to help you be not so anxious ok or get you some therapy to help you feel more good about yourself. You are not cursed you are ill and need help to move forward that all just some help not criticism but care
     
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