All my life I have been a failure. I have been abused and used. I have used people because of it. I have lied and hurt the people closest to me, the worst of them all is my little sister. My mother kicked me out when I was 15 and told me to live with my father. I was supposed to be home schooled but my father is an entepenuer and never had the time to do it. 3 years I was made to feel like I don't matter, like I'll never be good for anything except for being used by men for money. I was told I'd be sent to foster care. Until finally I thought my mother loved me again and took me back in after I begged and pleaded, I managed to mess that up. I have a severe form of ADHD, I procrastinate and I am very impulsive so I never cleaned the house really and I was too afraid to go out and find a job...I could just feel people judgeing me, mocking me even before I met them. I'd lie and tell my mom that I was working on my GED and working on getting a job because I never wanted to leave her, I love her and my little sister so so much, I'd kill for them, I'd die for them. And then my mother had enough of me so she sent me to a place called Blackwell Job Corps and I was used and abused there. They kicked me out as well after 8 months of me being there. My mother took me in again and my heart was so happy, I was elated, I felt a sense of security when I was with them. I felt safe, my mother saved me from something back before so I just felt safe. Untill she and my sister broke my heart and made me feel like I wasn't worth anything at all. That hurt, so bad I felt as if my heart was being torn out from whatever those last parts of it were holding onto. I went to live with my dad again and here I am 19 and still hearing the exact same things almost every week. I feel broken and numb like I am just dreaming...like I'll wake up and be successful and that I'll wake up and everyone will love me...I just want to feel it...I want to feel it once. But I don't think I can. This life of mine keeps taking everything from me, my father once told me that God has cursed me. Is that true? Have I really been cursed to feel pain as I do? I have so much love inside of me but it feels like I can only feel it from heaven. Please help me, please, My heart is so broken, I am broken. Please help me.